PokéBattles: Sandy Version

It is the 90s 20s and there is time for Klax PokéBattles

When we last saw Joanne and Catherine, they were back to being friends following Catherine's failed attempts at dating other people. Since then, they've been spending more time together as friends and very recently, refound their romantic feelings for each other.

Battle 131: Communication
Published: 07/09/24
Location: Catherine's Apartment
Player: Joanne Bloggs (11-2-6)

Still incredibly grateful you were willing to have me back despite...
Catherine Fennel: Hey, as long as you never do anything incredibly risky without telling me again...
Catherine Fennel: At least let me know, even if you're not willing to let me help.
PHONE used RING!
Phone, reject the call. Personal time with Catherine is far more important than whatever that is.
PHONE used REJECT!
CALL went to TRASH CAN!
Absolutely. Communication. Learnt that lesson.
PHONE used RING!
Catherine Fennel: ...I'm not sure it's going to stop unless you answer it.
Ugh. Fine.
Narrator, if you must exist at least be better at timing.
NARRATOR did not CHOOSE this TIMING!
Then who did?
PHONE's RING attack continues!
ANSWERING the CALL might let JOANNE know!
...I really don't like the way you phrased that.
Phone, answer.
PHONE used ANSWER!
Solveig! Hi. Great to hear from you. Can we make this quick, it's just that the regular friend hangouts I've been having with Catherine have recently gotten us back together romantically and...
...Are you kidding me right now.
...What do you want my help with?
...Is it dangerous? That sounds dangerous.
...That doesn't make it OK! I'd be more OK with it if it was the other way around!
Wait. You're suggesting we'd be able to get him out of there? Not just stop them--
...Oh I don't like that at all. But fine. Not just make it possible for the Narrator to stop them, but bring him back?
You think there are others trapped as well?
No. This is great. I'll...
SOLVEIG used GLANCE!
CATHERINE's EYEBROWS are POINTEDLY RAISED!
...Be sure to get back to you after discussing it with Catherine.
JOANNE used HANG UP!
That was Solveig.
Catherine Fennel: I got that impression.
Catherine Fennel: I also got the impression that whatever it is was dangerous.
Apparently more to her than to anyone helping her. Also apparently the Version is currently facing an existential threat, so...
But she's got a plan to rescue Red from... Wherever he found himself after we helped him escape the Sudoku room which is why she contacted me.
Catherine Fennel: Why you?
Apparently, she trusts me.
Catherine Fennel: Yeah. You're trustworthy. You're a very honest person.
...I've already told you I'm working on my poor communication. If you didn't trust me to be honest with you this time around, why did you take me back?
Catherine Fennel: Sorry. I wasn't being sarcastic. I do. I think you're genuinely trying to get better at your communication. But I also was meaning that you're an honest person. You do the right thing, even if you sometimes withhold the truth to protect others as part of that.
Oh goddamnit, you're using a distinction between honest and truthful here? Has anyone used that for decades? Maybe centuries?
Catherine Fennel: You're a good, honest, person. And you're getting better at adding truthful to your virtues. Now. Text her back telling her what we both know you're answer is going to be, and we can get back to our stay in date. Then, when that's done, you can explain to me exactly how worried about you I should be. And also how worried about me I should be considering that sounded fairly 'Existential Crisis.'
Yes ma'am.
Sorry. That sounded weird.
Catherine Fennel: ...Yeah, never call me that again.


When we last saw Blaine, he lost his Arcanine to a Palm Tree Core in the Glitchlands before declaring them off limits due to being too dangerous. He... Has not taken it well.

Battle 132: Grief
Published: 14/09/24
Location: Cinebar Island Bar
Player: Gym Leader Blaine (1-1-0)

BLAINE used NURSE!
BLAINE holds STIFF DRINK without JOY!
SOLVEIG appeared!
A helping hand to guide me through.
A pair of eyes to see the world anew.
And though our time together was true.
Apart for eternity. No chance for goodbye.
Solveig Poulsen: ...A friend who died suddenly.
Hah. Always a sharp one.
Solveig Poulsen: What happened, Blaine? Your riddles aren't usually this emotionally charged.
Solveig Poulsen: ...Or easy without someone heavily editing them to be more suitable for your usual target demographic.
Arcanine died.
Palm tree core.
Ran out of trainers to torment via ludicrously hard puzzles to spread the misery so...
Here I am. Hoping I can consume enough alcohol so that I stop feeling things.
Solveig Poulsen: I know the two of you were close.
SOLVEIG used ORDER!
SOLVEIG arranged SPIRITS in HEIGHT ORDER!
JINGLE played!
SECRET PASSAGE opened!
Hah. You're not even here for me. Always business with you these days.
Solveig Poulsen: I came to your cryptic clue competition. But... Actually, I wanted to let you know I was leaving on a journey. Don't know if I'll survive it, but...
Solveig Poulsen: ...Wanted to enjoy your company one more time.
...And the opening a secret passage thing?
Solveig Poulsen: I meant to order a drink while giving you company, not solve metaphorical soup cans.
...Hah.
Solveig Poulsen: How's the drowning your feelings into nonexistence going?
I think it's making them stronger.
Solveig Poulsen: Fancy a distraction?
Hah. Last time we did anything like this we made a mistake, and I can't run as fast as I used to.
Solveig Poulsen: We're older and wiser now. I'm pretty sure we won't repeat that mistake.
Solveig Poulsen: Besides. This isn't an escape room. We might not be pursued by angry staff if we did.
...Do you want to repeat that mistake?
Solveig Poulsen: Absolutely not. Even if you were sober.
Hah. Good. To keeping our clothes on while solving puzzles together.
Solveig Poulsen: I'd toast to that, but when I tried to order a drink I fiddled with bottles instead.
BLAINE used TOAST!
BLAINE ate TOAST!
It's super buttery!

Location: Spirit Hall

So many ghost types on these murals. This looks more your field than mine.
Solveig Poulsen: What's that supposed to mean? Neither of us is a ghost type trainer.
Hah! It's more of a problem that can have puzzle techniques applied to it than strictly a puzzle. Or a Pokémon battle, although... I am definitely going to be going with dark type moves rather than fire ones if it comes to that.
Solveig Poulsen: Oh. Right. Speaking of fire moves, it's very dark down the other side of this corridor of murals, you have a lot of fire type Pokémon...
Huh. No, none of them know Flash. However...
Calling into the wind of endless applications, but a lack of pylons isolates.
Solveig Poulsen: ...Oh. Right. Flashlight functionality on your phone.
BLAINE used FLASHLIGHT!
BLAINE illuminated SPIRIT HALL!
I get the link between spirit as in drinks and spirit as in ghosts, what I don't get is why it was behind a fairly newly built bar on a tourist destination.
Solveig Poulsen: It might be an extradimensional space linking and accessable from all spirit supplies? Not sure how we'd test that hypothesis.
Hah. No. That does sound untestable with our current inventories. Sweet Arceus, I'm sounding like you.
Solveig Poulsen: None taken.
HAH!
NARRATOR on the other hand RESENTS the prayer to ARCEUS rather than itself!
Oh, give me a break.
NARRATOR was kidding!
NARRATOR doesn't demand WORSHIP!
NARRATOR never has!
Not in the mood for that sort of joke from you right now.
BLAINE wants NARRATOR to stick to the PUNS?!
Avoid joking about your godhood, at least.
Considering you did nothing to prevent Arcanine's death.
Solveig Poulsen: Honestly it's like I'm hanging with Joanne the way you two are bickering right now. Except friendlier.
Huh. Who's Joanne?
Solveig Poulsen: A friend who's going to be working with me on the reason I'm not sure I'm going to be able to spend time with you ever again.
Huh? That doesn't sound good.
Solveig Poulsen: Should be fine. But even if it is the world might end.
Hah. Puts my problems into perspective.
Solveig Poulsen: Bigger than you can handle alone, not big enough that they might destroy the world if mishandled? That doesn't sound like grief to me.
Huh?!
Solveig Poulsen: Let's see if I can put it in language you're better able to understand.
Solveig Poulsen: Those who are absent, ever present.
Solveig Poulsen: Looming shadows, hanging over.
Solveig Poulsen: Consuming thoughts. Consuming mind.
Solveig Poulsen: My world extinguished. Searching for the light.
Hah. Yeah. That sounds like how I'm feeling to me.
Solveig Poulsen: Doesn't have to be a literal world at stake for a problem to threaten to end it.
Solveig Poulsen: And drinking it into submission isn't the best way of handling it.
Solveig Poulsen: You're as old as me. Surely this isn't the first time you've dealt with this.
It's the first time I've dealt with it outside of my parents, at least for anyone I was this close to.
Solveig Poulsen: I don't suppose it ever gets easier, huh?
...Huh. What's with these statues of a Sandshrew in a cloak?
Solveig Poulsen: ...Huh. There seems to be an inscription?
Inscription: COY KWQNY CA COY FMRN AG NYMCO ZMRQGYXC
Some sort of Cryptogram from the looks of it. Looks like COY is in there twice...
SOLVEIG and BLAINE want to SOLVE PUZZLES!
Solveig Poulsen: The would be most likely for that, which would make C t, O h, and Y e... ?e?th in this context is most likely death... The ???de t? the ?a?d ?? death ?a???e?t...
Which would make A most likely to be o, can't think of many other words than to that would fit for that. To the something o?... Of? Does Land of Death seem likely?
Solveig Poulsen: That would make it The ???de to the Land of Death ?an?fe?t... Manifest, maybe? Would fit the context and what letters we have left.
If so then... I think the other word is guide? The Guide to the Land of Death manifest.
It's not very EXCITING viewing!
Hah! Sorry we're not sufficiently entertaining for you, your godship.
Solveig Poulsen: ...Please don't make me stop you trying to summon it. Nothing good can come from that.
Solveig Poulsen: Wait. You seem brighter.
...A Land of Death? If even remotely plausible, and the existence of ghost types makes it seem reasonable, then... I'm just happy to know he's... Somewhere? Even if we're separate.
Solveig Poulsen: Ah. Yes. There must be comfort in that.
Solveig Poulsen: Now we probably should get out of here before any ghost types turn up.
SOLVEIG and BLAINE left!
HAUNTER and MISMAGIUS appeared!
HAUNTER had FIVE on BLAINE trying to SUMMON DEATH!
HAUNTER will go steal SHOES to give MISMAGIUS its PAYMENT of SOLES!


Following Ben rescuing Jacob from being caught by Joey, Jacob has been in therapy to help him overcome his anxiety around PokéBalls. We join him as he attempts, but the Narrator seems to want to talk about something else.

Battle 133: Motivation
Published: 21/09/24
Location: Pewter City PokéMart (Exterior) Player: Big Bro Jacob (1-1-2)

OK, so... Purchase an empty PokéBall.
I've been fine with my occupied PokéBalls and other people's PokéBalls for a while now.
I've even touched empty PokéBalls in therapy.
I can do this.
JACOB used PSYCH UP!
JACOB copied DOOR's stat changes!
...But DOOR doesn't currently have any stat changes!
...Thanks for that, Narrator.
How's BEN?!
...
...You're asking me that now?!
NARRATOR has been PUTTING this off for a FEW WEEKS!
And it's not like JACOB is going inside the POKéMART any time soon!
I am just about to!
JACOB has been JUST ABOUT TO for TWENTY MINUTES NOW!
...Screw. You.
JACOB used ENTER!

Location: Pewter City PokéMart (Interior)

Shop Keeper Tad: Hi there! May I help you?
Hi, just buying thanks.
Shop Keeper Tad: Take your time.
One PokéBall, please.
Shop Keeper Tad: Just one?
...Just the one.
Shop Keeper Tad: Sure. ₽200 please.
Here you go.
Shop Keeper Tad: Is there anything else I can do?
That's all, thanks.
Shop Keeper Tad: Thanks!
JACOB used EXIT!
Shop Keeper Tad: ...He seemed weirdly stressed...

Location Pewter City PokéMart (Exterior)

There. Done. Happy now?
SPITE is apparently a good MOTIVATOR!
Yeah. Still not thanking you for it.
Now about BEN!
What? You hoping he's fed up of being outside your influence so he'll come home and you can torture him?
No!
Well... Sorta!
Not the TORTURE part!
Just the COME HOME part!
...Why do you even care if you've stopped wanting to torture him. I thought you still resented him for capturing you.
...Which seems extremely hypocritical of you considering what you let happen to me.
Or caused to happen to me if I believe Ben about it...
...
...
...NARRATOR needs BEN's HELP!
...You... What?
Again?!
BEN proved to be VERY GOOD at DEMOLISION when dealing with the SVWEBMASTER issue before CAPTURING NARRATOR!
...The way Ben's told it over the phone the reason he decided to capture you in the first place was you trying to put chosen one bs on him.
This is DIFFERENT!
Is it really?
Yes!
So what do you want him to destroy?
Six SAFE HOUSES set up by an ENEMY ARMY wanting to INVADE SANDY VERSION!
How is that different from wanting him to go on a quest to prevent the mob from acquiring a god?!
...
...
...Because NARRATOR wants a FAVOUR rather than a HERO?!
Even if he's open to the idea, he's not just going to do it.
This might be BAD for OUTSIDE of NARRATOR's INFLUENCE if the ALPHABETICAL ORDER succeed!
...
It will CERTAINLY be bad for JACOB and MOM BETH!
...
I'll ask him, but you're going to need to figure out what you're willing to give him in exchange while I talk with him.
Phone, go. Call Ben.
JACOB sent out PHONE!
PHONE used CALL!
Hey there. How's it going?
They're still not trusting you with a weapon after that, huh?
...Do you really blame them?
Mom's fine. I even just managed to purchase a PokéBall which was the next step in my recovery process.
Yeah, sorry this isn't just a social call. The Narrator wants me to ask you to come home. Says it needs your help.
I know. It says things are going to get really bad if you don't. For everyone, not just those of us inside its influence. Apparently, you'll need to destroy a few safe houses.
Narrator, he's asking what's in it for him.
Aside from JACOB, BETH, BEN, and everyone else BEN cares about being HARMED by an INVADING ARMY if BEN doesn't?!
I told you he's going to want something specific for you to not find an adult to do it.
...NARRATOR will get rid of the EVOLUTION STONE resting inside BEN but BEN has to promise not to RECALL it if BEN does this!
The Narrator's willing to remove the evolution stone it tricked you into eating if you're willing to promise not to recall it.
He says he'll come home and the two of you can talk it out in person.


When we last saw Sam, they were brought in by Looker for their role in Bill's death. The justice system acts quickly in Sandy Version, mostly due to conflicts normally getting resolved via Pokémon Battles rather than the justice system, and so it is already Sam's day in court.

Battle 134: Kangaskhan Court
Published: 28/09/24
Location: Johto Courthouse
Player: Mail Carrier Sam (5-0-2)

Prosecutor Jenny: And so your honour, people of the jury, the defendant is clearly guilty. If not in actuality, then in spirit, of murder.
...It feels like we should be objecting but...
Lawyer Jenny: ...zzz...
...My defence attorney is asleep on the job, and I can't help but feel she's right...
Judge Jenny: Very well. And the closing statement from the defence?
Lawyer Jenny: ...zzz...
Judge Jenny: ...Err...
...Am I allowed to give it a go myself considering my defense atourney has spent most of the trial sleeping at the desk?
Judge Jenny: It's highly unusual, but... I've seen her at family gatherings. It'll be quicker for all of us if you do.
Members of the jury. You have seen character witnesses for the prosecution, going into what we all know, about how revolutionary Bill's technology has been for us all.
And expert witnesses testifying about the possession powers of Gengar.
And... Yeah. I did knowingly release a Gengar who wanted Bill dead into his office while he was unconscious.
JURY used GASP!
However...
I would remind the jury that I had been sealed in a basement with that Gengar by Bill.
JURY is confused!
JURY hurt itself in its confusion!
...Shouldn't someone stop the jury members from fighting each other like that?
Judge Jenny: Eh, there are so few trials that we don't really have the staff for that sort of thing.
And the fact you're so shocked about that fact to start attacking each other over it is because I am not being given what I think any of us would consider a fair trial here.
Lawyer Jenny: ...zzz...
And I believe we all know why that is.
Bill is a beloved public figure and his death... Which, while I did not directly cause, I do hold some moral responsibility for... Is something that was never going to be let go, no matter how much contortion of the legal system is required.
My defence is the only thing it can be.
Bill was never going to get punished for his crimes of interfering with the mail and false imprisonment in our justice system.
So I did what we all do when faced with a problem.
Violence, via the medium of Pokémon battles.
Does this usually result in someone's death? No.
Do I feel sick due to feelings of guilt when I look at myself in a mirror due to my actions? Yes.
Do I feel remorse for them? Not when I consider he might have done something similar to someone else. Who might not have gotten as lucky in managing to escape before starving to death as I did.
JURY used MURMER!
And, I put it to you, your honour.
Judge Jenny: ...Hm?
You clearly wanted a Kangaroo court here.
Let's make that literal. Instead of a rigged trial by jury, let me fight a Kangaskhan. Let the Narrator's puns be my judge.
Huh?!
Judge Jenny: ...You know, that does sound more entertaining.
...NARRATOR has been trying to CUT BACK on the INTERFERENCE in the affairs of MORTALS!
Judge Jenny: Yeah. Let's do that. Bring out the court Kangaskhan!
...Wait, you just have one lying around?
Judge Jenny: Of the 21 trials we've had in the years I've been the only judge in Johto, 19 have gone to a Pokémon battle with the defendant against a Kangaskhan. Not counting this one.
...Wait, there's precedent for this?! I thought I was using a rhetorical device to point out how much of a sham this trial has been and get a retrial with a less sleepy defence attorney.
NARRATOR was responsible for 17 of those!
...Yeah that would explain it.
KANGASKHAN appeared!
Judge Jenny: This will be a one on one battle.
Judge Jenny: The defendant will send themself out rather than using any Pokémon.
...Well either way this is going to hurt.
Judge Jenny: The jury will find the defendant innocent if the Kangaskhan loses, and guilty if the defendant loses.
KANGASKHAN wants to fight!
I send myself out, apparently.
SAM sent out SAM!
KANGASKHAN sent out KANGASKHAN!
...Wow you're big.
SAM used SIZE ADMIRATION!
More fear than admiration, but sure.
KANGASKHAN accepts the compliment!
KANGASKHAN used DOUBLE HIT!
HIT one time!
That can only hit once?
SAM used FLY!
SAM flew through the AIR into the WALL!
HIT second time!
Set up for... Something resembling physical comedy. Got it. Ow.
Let me just stand up...
SAM already used FLY!
Come on, that counted?
KANGASKHAN used STOMP!
KANGASKHAN stomped over!
KANGASKHAN JOEY used WAKE!
KANGASKHAN JOEY woke up!
...Come on you can't want me to fight someone with a child in a biological papoose. What if I accidentally miss?
KANGASKHAN JOEY used CRY!
It's super effective!
...A very loud child in a biological papoose...
Hey, kid. Quiet down a second. Hey, how about this.
SAM used SILLY FACE!
It's super effective!
KANGASKHAN JOEY's attack subsided!
KANGASKHAN JOEY used LAUGH!
...Still loud, but... More pleasant.
KANGASKHAN used REVERSAL!
...Weird choice considering I haven't landed a hit yet...
KANGASKHAN thinks SAM would make a good UNTY for KANGASKHAN JOEY!
...Err...?
KANGASKHAN joined forces with SAM!
...Does that count as a win for me, or...?
Probably counts as a DRAW!
...Putting us back on square one...
KANGASKHAN made CONVINCING APPEAL to JURY!
...I... Guess that works?
KANGASKHAN makes it VERY clear what it will do if JURY finds SAM guilty considering how HARD it is to get KANGASKHAN JOEY to SETTLE when it wakes up!
...Wait, is this me getting found innocent for something there isn't really any law for but, while I was probably morally justified in doing, still resulted in someone's death, leading to me feeling sick to my stomach from guilt, or being hired as a babysitter?
Judge Jenny: ...I'd say this probably is going to need a retrial but there really isn't anything on the books for this being done by the court Kangaskhan...
Prosecutor Jenny: The prosecution is explicitly not raising any objections and wants it on record of that.
Prosecutor Jenny: ...Partially out of fear of the court Kangaskhan but still...
JURY finds SAM HIRED!
...
NARRATOR means INNOCENT!
...So... Err... Sure, Pokémon babysitter sounds more fun than mail deliveries.
Huh? MAIL CARRIER SAM is evolving!
MAIL CARRIER SAM evolved into WILD POKéMON DAYCARE WORKER SAM!
...Is that even a thing?
It is now!
...Sure. Why not. Kangaskhan, does your child have any allergies I should be aware of as my first... Client?


Over the past couple of years, Gold has been quietly (Well, he is a protagonist type, after all) going through his Pokémon journey, but it seems that he has finally reached his destination - A battle with Champion Lance. Win or lose, he has reached the end of this chapter of his life.

Battle 135: Going for Gold
Published: 05/10/24
Location: Indigo Plateau: Champion's Room
Player: Champion Lance (0-0-0)

GOLD appeared!
I've been waiting for you Gold.
Gold: ...
I knew that you, with your skills, would eventually reach me here.
Gold: ...
There's no need for words now.
Gold: ...
GOLD isn't sure if that's a jab at GOLD being a PROTAGONIST TYPE or not!
...My apologies. Not.
We will battle to determine who is the stronger of the two of us.
Gold: ...
As the most powerful trainer and as the Pokémon League Champion...
I, Lance the dragon master, accept your challenge!
Gold: ...
GOLD wants to fight!
GOLD sent out SNEASEL!
Gyarados, I choose you.
LANCE sent out GYARADOS!
Aqua Tail.
GYARADOS used AQUA TAIL!
NARRATOR would say GYARADOS's TAIL is BLUE rather than AQUA!
No effect!
I see the Narrator is in one of its odder moods.
NARRATOR's moods are as WHIMSICAL as an OTTER!
...Yeah. Definitely one of its odder moods. Ah well.
SNEASEL used BEAT UP!
SNEASEL left the BATTLEFIELD to find a YOUNGSTER to BULLY!
Gold: ...
...I'm guessing that wasn't on purpose either.
GOLD sent out AMPHAROS!
Crunch.
GYARADOS used CRUNCH!
GYARADOS crunched down on LAMB CHOPS intimidatingly!
AMPHAROS's attack fell!
...Good thinking? I think?
AMPHAROS used DISCHARGE!
AMPHAROS charged GYARADOS extortionate cost for its latest DISS TRACK!
GYARADOS fainted at the price!
LANCE will need to take out a new MORTGAGE to pay for the SINGLE!
...Is it at least good?
It's rated MIDDLING by ELECTRIC TYPE POKéMON and UNLISTENABLE by most HUMAN TRAINERS and POKéMON of OTHER TYPINGS!
...Wonderful.
Use next POKéMON?!
Dragonite, go.
LANCE sent out DRAGONITE!
Hyper beam.
DRAGONITE used HYPER BEAM!
DRAGONITE sent a BEAM of HYPERACTIVITY at AMPHAROS!
AMPHAROS caught ZOOMIES!
AMPHAROS used DAZZLING GLEAM!
...Ugh. A Fairy type move?
I see you've been to regions outside of Kanto and Johto to train your Pokémon.
AMPHAROS gleamed DAZZLINGLY at DRAGONITE!
AMPHAROS swept DRAGONITE off its feat!
...And its wings!
DRAGONITE fell in love!
At least it's my turn again.
AMPHAROS gets additional TURN due to ZOOMIES!
AMPHAROS used WHISK!
AMPHAROS whisked DRAGONITE off for a DATE!
AMPHAROS and DRAGONITE have left the arena!
Use next POKéMON?!
...Charizard, go.
LANCE sent out CHARIZARD!
GOLD sent out SUDOWOODO!
Dragon Claw
CHARIZARD used DRAGON CLAW!
CHARIZARD clawed at SUDOWOODY with DRACONIC CLAWS!
...But CHARIZARD lacks DRAGON TYPING!
...CHARIZARD has, however, BORROWED DRAGONITE's CLAW!
So the attack was successful?
Yes!
Good to know.
SUDOWOODO used HEAD SMASH!
...
SUDOWOODO smashed its HEAD into GROUND!
GROUND became DENTED!
GROUND caught a DENT!
SUDOWOODO fainted!
GOLD sent out HANDY!
Ah, the famous Handy, evolved from a Finger that was reported to have mysteriously replaced the Chikorita you chose as a starter at the start of your journey all those years ago.
HANDY used TICKLE!
HANDY lept onto CHARIZARD!
HANDY aimed for UNDER the ARMPITS!
CHARIZARD fell out of the sky from LAUGHTER!
CHARIZARD used CRASH LAND!
Huh?! DENT on is evolving!
DENT evolved into CRACK!
CHARIZARD fainted!
Aerodactyl, go.
LANCE sent out AERODACTYL!
Looks like he's on his last Pokémon. Giga Impact.
AERODACTYL used GIGA IMPACT!
AERODACTYL slammed HANDY into the GROUND!
Huh?! CRACK is evolving!
CRACK evolved into GAPING CHASM!
...That will cost a fortune to repair...
AERODACTYL feels at home!
At least one of us is happy.
HANDY fainted!
GOLD is out of--
...Hm?
SNEASEL returns to the BATTLEFIELD!
But it had already left.
SNEASEL is a POKéMON, not a TRAINER!
NARRATOR will ALLOW it!
AERODACTYL must recharge!
SNEASEL used PAYDAY!
SNEASEL bribes AERODACTYL with LUNCH MONEY, YOUTH LIBRARY CARD, and RUNNING SHOES!
...What in the world?
SNEASEL's takings from YOUNGSTER it BULLIED!
...Well at least it's a cheap bribe...
AERODACTYL took a DIVE for the BRIBE!
AERODACTYL snacked on LUNCH MONEY and RUNNING SHOES!
...And the Library Card?
AERODACTYL hungers for KNOWLEDGE!
AERODACTYL plans to FEAST at LIBRARY!
AERODACTYL pretended to faint!
At least it didn't actually faint. It can still fight.
AERODACTYL's feint faint FOOLED the JUDGE!
But you're the judge!
Is LANCE disputing NARRATOR's decision?!
You literally just said it pretended to faint.
LANCE is being a POOR LOSER!
LANCE should set a better EXAMPLE for the CHALLENGER!
LANCE used ASSESS!
LANCE assessed CHAMPION's ROOM!
...You know what, fine.
...It's over.
Gold: ...
But it's an odd feeling.
I'm not angry that I lost. In fact, I feel happy.
I feel happy that I witnessed the rise of a great new champion!
Meaning this is your room now. You get to pay the cost of the repairs to the damage caused in our battle.
Gold: ...
...Whew.
You have become truly powerful, Gold.
Your Pokémon have responded to your strong and upstanding nature.
...Except Sneasel who seems to need more discipline.
Gold: ...
As a trainer, you will continue to grow strong with your Pokémon.
Gold: ...
Huh?! GOLD is evolving!
GOLD evolved into CHAMPION GOLD!
Huh?! LANCE is devolving!
LANCE devolved into LANCE OF THE ELITE FOUR!

Location: Route 30
Player: Youngster Mikey (0-2-4)

...What is it with all the Sneasel beating me up lately?
Just ONE SNEASEL to be fair!
...That doesn't make it any better.
MIKEY used WIGGLE!
No effect!
MIKEY continued to DANGLE from PALM TREE!
The most nerve wracking thing about this is knowing it might turn sapient and eat me.
NARRATOR expects it to stay INERT!
I guess that's a relief...
...
...
...Hopefully, a trainer will come along shortly to let me down...