The Narrator is back, all the Gosslord have devolved back into what they were prior. But what happens next?
Battle 66: Aftermath
Published: 22/04/23
Location: Catherine Fennel's Apartment
Player: Catherine Fennel (5-1-3)
I appreciate everything during the Gosslord situation.
The GOSSLORD SITUATION NARRATOR fixed!
Joanne Bloggs: The Gosslord situation that was entirely the Narrator's fault on multiple accounts.
Hey!
...Well nice to know things are back to normal between you two.
Joanne Bloggs: You're right, sorry. I shouldn't rise to its bait while you've got more important things to say.
But I still need some space. Clear my head. For real, not faking doing that to have a private chat with the Narrator.
Joanne Bloggs: Ouch.
Joanne Bloggs: But, yeah. I figured. Surviving a zombie apocalypse together was never going to fix things. You have my number. Call me when you're ready to talk, whatever you decide to tell me. I'll stay out of your hair unless another life threatening emergency comes up.
Joanne Bloggs: I'm going to swing by the safehouse ruins before I head back to my place.
Location: Border of the Narratorless Lands
Ben felt alone. It was a very unfamiliar feeling to the boy. Even after catching the Narrator, the first time he'd been alone, he'd been heading back to his brother and his mother. He had his Pokémon - Butterfree, who he'd rescued from Joey after learning what Joey had done to his Raticate, Arbok who he'd rescued from Red who had first stolen it from him, and Door, who he'd caught when leaving the house to set out to rescue Arbok, but he didn't want to send them out right now. He didn't want to send any of his Pokémon out right now. He didn't know when he'd be able to secure food. If he'd be able to secure food. Pokémon in Pokéballs didn't get hungry. Pokémon outside of them did. This wasn't theory - He'd had first hand experience of that when Joey caught him and he'd waited about a day before escaping. He sat on the first rock he'd encountered since running away from the Narrator and began to cry.
The fact he was sat facing the Sandy Version he knew - that as far as he was aware that anyone knew - didn't help matters. There was nothing nearby in it. It was multiple hours to any sign of civilization, but he knew that very close to where he sat was home. He could physically see the border on the empty plane where the rock he sat on was the first bit of scenery. The edges of a translucent red mist delineated where the Narrator was and where it wasn't, one he had never noticed until catching the Narrator since he'd always been inside it until then. When he caught the Narrator, it had gone, and the colours had become that little bit more vibrant. When the Narrator returned, the red filter he had previously unnoticed had come back over everything... But seeing it from the outside was weird. The only thing keeping him from going back was the threat of eternal torture as revenge for having caught the Narrator, until and unless he recalled the... God? Being? Entity? Ben settled in his mind on monster... To its comma, triggering a process the Narrator had assured him would result in him spending an eternity as a toilet in a park, having gotten him to swallow an evolution stone in exchange for devolving the Gosslord that had recently throughout Kanto and threatened to expand to the entire Version.
A small but familiar looking figure ran out of the red mist towards Ben. Ben looked towards it, making excellent time, as it approached. For the first time since running out of the Narrator's presence, Ben smiled. "Raticate?" He called out to the oncoming rodent.
Raticate jumped at his chest, causing him to fall back off his rock. "Raticate." it nodded, and the boy hugged his old friend.
Ben paused and shook his head. "You should go back. Raticate and Joey still have the Sand Reaper to deal with."
"Rat. Raticate rati raticate rat i cate raticate. Raticate rati." The rodent shook his head.
"Then at least let me catch you again. I should have an empty ball right here..." Ben reached for his Pokéballs.
"Rat. Raticate rat raticate. Rat." Raticate slapped Ben's hand with his tail, before looking around at the lack of food, water, or shelter near them. "...I cate rat i cate rati rati rat i cate."
"I'll manage. You won't get hungry in a ball."
"Rat. Raticate rat raticate rati rati rat rati icate i raticate." Before pulling Ben to his feet and leading him further from the red mists of home, in search of anything they needed to survive.
Location: Safehouse 24 (Lounge)
Player: Joanne Bloggs (8-2-3)
JOANNE used ASSESS!
...They really did a number on this place...
It's super redundant!
...I need to find another of these things for the next kid I help out of Team Rocket, I guess.
JOANNE doesn't need to do that!
I like to have hobbies.
Where is Red, anyhow?
NARRATOR does not know!
...OK, so he either entered a code for a Narratorless room--
Or a NON-EXISTENT ROOM!
They exist enough that you'd be able to find his blood, or whatever else would be left of him.
...
...Hang on!
Your incompetence nearly got us all zombified, could you please just shape up as a god for once?
How was NARRATOR meant to know it was going to be CAUGHT?!
Plan for failure for Narrator's sake!
Especially when you knew someone knew how to catch you! Narrator seals are meant to be self-perpetuating!
NARRATOR has a lot of PLAYERS to NARRATE FOR!
Sometimes BASICS slip NARRATOR's MIND!
NARRATOR confirms that RED did not get SMEARED by a NON-EXISTENT ROOM!
...That NARRATOR is PRESENT in!
...Yeah, I guess it would be possible there are Narratorless non-existant rooms as well as ones you're present in. Not sure it's worth risking exploring Narratorless rooms now that I know I can move in them due to that.
Anyway, as I was saying, he either entered a code for a Narratorless room or randomly stumbled across the Net room.
Why would RED build the NET?!
Because he's... What, 11, and as such isn't going to have much in the way of self control?
Because there are cargo nets that a lot of kids find fun to climb leading up to it?
Because those net traps are easy to escape from if you've got Pokémon you can send out?
Because it glows in an almost hypnotic way which would likely have more impact during a high stress situation such as being pursued by a Gosslord?
...Ah!
...Ah?
There are HOLES in SAFEHOUSE leading to NET ROOM!
...Great. So almost certainly that. At least we can presume he can move wherever building one of those things takes you since we now have indisputable proof that you're entirely surplus to requirements.
ASSUMING it EXISTS!
Again with that theory? Do you usually think about kids dying horribly?
Just so I know how high up on the evil god-like being tier list to put you, you know?
Only since BEN caught it!
...Actually, yeah, that tracks.
Location: Unknown
Red came too. "Ugh... I must have passed out. Where even am I? The last thing I remember was Velociraptor and Tentacool helping me out of that trap net... Where even am I? At least I seem to have lost the Gosslord judging by the lack of banging sounds from outside of here." He started to stand, and noticed that he was only wearing one shoe now. "...What the hell happened to my left... Argh!" He put weight on his left foot, and felt a sharp pain as if his foot had been rubbed raw, he sat back down and removed his sock to assess the damage, and found an angle where he could look at it.
A line of tender flesh, as if he'd been putting weight on a specific part of his foot a lot. "...Did I climb the cargo net in that weird room with all the nets after taking my shoe off while I was passed out? Why would I have done that... How would I have done that?" He started looking around the room he was trapped in. The first thing he noticed was two taps, one labelled gruel and one fresh water, resting above two bowls. Red felt his stomache rumble. "...I... Probably should eat, and that seems like the only thing that approximates food around here." He turned on the gruel tap, and gloopy, white, liquid poured out, looking every bit as unappetizing as its name implied. Red's stomach growled at him again, and he reluctantly filled the bowl.
"...Whoever furnished this place could have at least spotted me a spoon." He rolled his eyes before starting to funnel the muck into his mouth as best he could with his hands.
Location: Indigo Platto
Player: Gym Owner Jim (1-1-1)
LANCE appeared!
Thank you for... Granting me... An audience.
Lance: ...I'm not royalty? Just... A powerful trainer who's respected, and chair of the Elite 4. It's not like anyone has the Kanto Deeds, and after seeing what happened in Johto we tightened security of them a lot.
ELITE 4 hired GUARDS!
Lance: ...Yes. Thank you for pointing out how lax the security of the deeds was prior.
In any... Case. It is... You who... Decides where... Kanto's resources are best... Allocated.
Lance: ...Your gym isn't even a Pokémon gym, and there's already an official Pokémon gym in Saffron. We're not allocating you resources. You're just not essential infrastructure where the priorities need to lie.
You... Know of it?
Lance: Only by reputation.
Then perhaps you would like... To give us an... Endorsement deal?
Lance: I get a couple of petitions to have my dragons raise it every month due to how bad it is.
...
That is... Not why I'm... Here.
Lance: ...I'm starting to get why the petitions to raise the gym sometimes come with requests to feed you to my dragons. But continue.
It should be... Clear to you now... That life... That existence... That Causality itself... Can exist without... The red text that you know as... The Narrator.
Sandy Version is... Larger... Than the area covered by... The Narrator. I propose you... Give me... Resources to go on an... Exploratory survey mission... Into these... Narratorless lands... Many of which border on... Kanto itself making this an... Ideal starting point for such... Exploratory efforts. I have some... Experience in... Exploration.
Lance: One condition. You write reports, rather than giving them to me orally - live or recorded.
While I am... Away... I would request... You give... Just Dune It Gym... To Shadow in my... Absence.
Lance: Sure. Pretty sure you could do that part yourself, but whatever.
Lance: Wait. Shadow? He's the main person who was petitioning to feed you to my dragons...
Location: Unknown
Red had finished what approximated a meal. It had been filling, he'd give it that, but everything else about the experience of eating it had been entirely unpleasant. The texture was horrible, the flavour was barely there, and the act of eating it without cutlery had felt demeaning, even before he found himself drinking the fresh water from a bowl. At least that had tasted better than the gruel and seemed to have the same healing properties as the bottled stuff. His foot felt fine now. He slipped his sock back on and removed his remaining shoe - Wearing only one of the things felt weird and lopsided.
Looking further around the room, the only other thing he noticed was that on one of the walls of the room was a large 18x18 grid, subdivided into 6x3 boxes. Some Pokémon type symbols filled cells within the grid, as were various inequality dividing cells within it. He groaned as he slowly figured out what he was looking at. One of the reasons he'd joined Team Rocket in the first place, along with the gold nugget they'd given him and the excuse to go against the presumed rules, was their promise of not having to deal with any of the Strength puzzles that littered Kanto's gym challenge that he'd originally set out on. They hadn't mentioned the mazes of spinny tiles in their HQ, but at least they gave their members solutions for those rather than expecting them to solve them. "...Is this a sudoku with Pokémon types instead of numbers?"
Location: SVWebmaster's Tower (Interior)
Player: None
NARRATOR deserves a little SPACE for itself!
SVWEBMASTER's TOWER was renamed NARRATOR's TOWER!
Location: Narrator's Tower (Interior)
NARRATOR used RECOLOUR!
NARRATOR's TOWER turned RED!
NARRATOR noticed WEIRD FLICKERING PIXEL in the RECOLOUR!
...
Isn't this where SVWEBMASTER and SVWEBMASTER fought?!
Eh, it's probably NOTHING!
NARRATOR put PINK RUG over WEIRD FLICKERING PIXEL!
READERS think NARRATOR LEARNT its TIDYING UP skills from JOEY!
READERS can SHUT IT!
Gym Owner Jim has left to explore the Narratorless lands. But Just Dune It Gym still needs someone to run it. Unfortunately for Shadow, that someone is him.
Battle 67: The Ultimate Gym Leader
Published: 29/04/23
Location: Just Dune It Gym
Player: Shadow (1-1-0)
...
SHADOW used FINANCIAL ANALYSIS!
...I'm going to kill him if I ever see him again.
FINANCIAL STATEMENTS are UNHAPPY!
...Nothing in this building is remotely up to code, the place is in the red so much it gives both my spines and your font colour a run for their money, and he has the audacity to claim he's giving me it as a gift?!
Even after you vamoosed for long enough for 90% of Kanto to evolve into Gosslords and for him to actually sell classes to people he wasn't able to blackmail into membership - the only useful class he ever gave - I have zero clue how this thing is ever going to be profitable.
Where'd you go, anyway?
NARRATOR prefers not to TALK ABOUT it!
Fair enough.
...There's no way I could possibly afford to get this place up to code...
Actually, wait... Most official league gyms have OSHA violations up the wazoo, especially when you factor in that they're public facilities that are open to kids rather than building sites meaning the health and safety requirements should be even more strict.
If I rebrand this into a league gym from a gym gym I probably wouldn't need to pay to get it up to code, just build a terrifying and deadly assault course before they reach me out of scrap metal.
SHADOW used SCHEME!
More 'desperately try to turn a mouldy lemon into something I can survive off of'...
NARRATOR's name for it is SNAPPIER!
Remind me. What's the official league gym type here?
PSYCHIC!
Oh, that's way too easy. I just need to catch a couple of cool Dark Types with a similar awesome aesthetic to my own - Umbreon, Houndoom, that sort of thing - and I'll have the city's official Indigo League gym on lockdown.
Now... How do I get a dark type in Kanto?
NARRATOR thinks EEVEE can be obtained in CELADON!
Perfect. That's barely a thirty second jog away. Might have time to grab a bite, too.
Location: Border of the Narratorless Lands
Jim walked over to a rock that looked like it was a good height to use by a child as a seat a short distance away from the cloud of thin red mist that indicated where the Narrator was, and where it wasn't. "We appear to be... Clear of the Narrator's... Influence. Any signs of... Life?"
"I am not picking up anything on my tricorder in the immediate vicinity, even vegetation, however, I do believe there may be something of interest... That way." Spock indicated a direction.
"Excellent work Mr... Spock. But how were you able to... Logically deduce... That if the... Tricorder... Didn't show... Lifesigns?"
"Damnit, Jim." Bones interjected. "Would you stop looking at the cloud of misery we just left and look around? He's pointing in the direction of the dried muddy footprints you were too busy admiring the scenery to notice." He looked closer at the tracks. "One humanoid, about... 8 or 9 if they're human judging by the size of the footprints. Another I'd guess belong to a large rodent. That's not logic. Just observation."
"I must be... Rusty."
Location: Celadon Condominiums (Roof Room)
Player: Shadow (1-1-0)
...I wish this place had stairs, it would have been much faster.
LIFT took a NORMAL TIME for a LIFT!
Yeah. Slow. Anyway, you sure the Eevee is in here, all I can see is an unattended PokéBall on the...
...
...Narrator, is the Eevee you were directing me to in the PokéBall?
Yes!
...Meaning that I'm going to need to steal some random person's Pokémon if I want this Eevee?
Yes!
Eh, I've done worse.
SHADOW used STEAL!
But no STEEL TYPE EEVEELUTION exists!
Then rename the attack a nab, or a snag, or a pilfer, or a Pokénap, or whatever I need to use to mean you don't play your silly games with me.
...At least while you were gone, once I got used to moving under my own steam, this nonsense never happened...
...
I'm not saying I'd rather be avoiding Gosslord for the rest of my life than be around you, just that...
You not being here had advantages.
Fine!
SHADOW used TRADE!
...Not exactly what I had in mind...
SHADOW traded NOTHING for POKéBALL!
SHADOW obtained EEVEE!
Perfect.
LASS LISA appeared!
Lass Lisa: Hey. Have you seen a PokéBall with my Eevee in it? I think I forgot to pick it up from here after my gym shift due to the whole Narrator vamoosing thing followed by the Gosslord crises.
...Can't say I have.
Lass Lisa: Drat. Well, we may as well battle since we made eye contact.
LISA wants to fight!
LISA sent out ODDISH!
Eevee, go!
SHADOW sent out EEVEE!
Lass Lisa: ...
What?
Lass Lisa: You said you hadn't seen my Eevee.
I haven't. I saw my Eevee. It just happened to not be my Eevee when I first saw it.
Lass Lisa: ...Are you with the Rocket mob?
Nah. Just trying to kickstart a gym.
Lass Lisa: By stealing Pokémon?!
SHADOW and LISA are LOAFING AROUND!
EEVEE and ODDISH are REMINISCING over PAST TRAINING!
Fair enough, let's get on with this. Eevee, quick attack.
EEVEE used QUICK ATTACK!
THE QUICK BROWN FOX-THING DAMAGINGLY JUMPS OVER THE LAZY GLOOM!
GLOOM used SLEEP POWDER!
SLEEP POWDER spread throughout the SMALL ROOM!
GLOOM is immune!
LISA fell asleep!
EEVEE fell asleep!
SHADOW... protected their eyes from the POWDER with SUNGLASSES!
I figured I should pick them up en route if I'm going to be running a dark type gym. Indoor sunglasses feel mandatory for that.
Anyway, my opponent is asleep, so I see no reason to continue here. Eevee, come back.
SHADOW recalled EEVEE!
SHADOW ran away!
LISA wins!
Gloom: Gloom?
...About THIRTY MINUTES!
Gloom: Gloom.
GLOOM used JUGGLE!
GLOOM practised its hobby!
Horace Hunter has been feeling some responsibility for the Gosslord outbreak. His method of dealing with it has... Not been the healthiest one.
Battle 68: Liquified Guilt
Published: 06/05/23
Location: Vulpix and Houndoom Pub
Player: Horace Hunter (3-0-0)
...I should have gone into that office. Stopped before they attacked.
HORACE used MOPE!
HORACE has been MOPING into a PINT GLASS for TWO WEEKS!
NARRATOR is running out of LIVER PUNS!
I'm going to grab another pint.
...Would you STOP?!
...I nearly caused the end of all life because I was too full of myself to catch a zombie. Wasn't even in Kanto when they broke out.
So, no. I cannot.
...
...
HORACE was probably RIGHT about going into the OFFICE being a BAD IDEA!
NARRATOR could have done SEVERAL THINGS to prevent GOSSLORD OUTBREAK!
MAKE the SEAL SELF-PERPETUATING!
USE DEVOLUTION SPRAY earlier rather than THROWING PLAYERS at them!
Not made the GAG causing PATIENT ZERO in the FIRST PLACE!
...You mean it's your fault rather than mine?
...
...
NARRATOR wouldn't go that far!
But HORACE going into the OFFICE would likely have just INCREASED AMOUNT at START of OUTBREAK!
I'm still going to grab another pint, though. See if a pint of water helps sober me up.
HORACE's LIVER cries TEARS of JOY!
Location: Mossy Cave
Ben plucked a bit of moss from the cave wall and ate it. "Still amazed by this find. The texture's not up to much, but the taste of this edible moss is fantastic. Strawberry with a hint of vanilla milkshake. Food and shelter all in one place. Plus a small spring inside the cave so there's water too. You really lead me to a perfect spot to... Hang out for... The rest of my..." He trailed off, his mood clearly souring as he was finishing that thought.
"Raticate! Rat rat i cate rat. Raticate raticate." The Raticate he was talking to gently admonished, before jumping at him into a hug, which Ben was forced to accept just to stay on his feet.
"Ok, ok. Yeah. We'll think of a plan. It's good to have somewhere we can think from." The shadows of three figures - all human looking - emerged on the cave wall. "If you're trying to sneak up on me I can see your shadows. Hi? Are you friendly?"
"Damnit, I told you both it was probably just some kid, and that we should say hi on our way in." A gruff sounding man in a blue and black uniform came into view, followed by another, with pointy ears, and a third in a gold and black uniform. "Are you ok?"
"Physically, yeah. No injuries and I've got access to food, water and shelter thanks to Raticate. Emotionally... Not so much, but I'll manage." Ben paused, putting on the most unconvincing attempt at a brave face any of the three uniformed men had ever seen. "I didn't see any signs of... Anyone... Outside the cave, where did you come from?"
"We're from..." The golden uniformed man began, before taking an unnaturally large pause, which Ben wasn't sure if it was for emphasis or because he was leaving a truth unstated, "The red mist. It isn't... Far from here and... Your large rodent... Suggests you're also from... There. Did you... Wander... Here while the... Narrator was... Absent? The large monsters... Are gone... If so. You're safe... To go back."
"Hah! No. Can't. I ran away here after sending the Narrator out." Ben tapped the comma he wore as a necklace as if it meant anything to anyone but him. "Unfortunately we got into an ultimatum and now if I ever recall it something horrible will happen to me, and if I go back to it it will torment me in ways that are designed to not make me think recalling it is worse. So I'm stuck here. Alone save Raticate, and the Pokémon I have in my Pokéballs." He paused, looking at the three strangers up and down. "I should send Door out to act like a door. Save any strange men sneaking up on me."
"Jim, we can't just leave a kid in a cave with nothing but monsters for company. That won't be good for his development. Nor will sending him back home to be tortured." The gruff sounding man snapped.
"We cannot force him to come with us if he doesn't want to, either." The other man in the blue uniform stated without a hint of emotion.
"We're... Explorers. If you wish to... Join our... Expedition... You're welcome to."
"Sounds more fun than staying in a cave the rest of my life, even one with food and running water. What do you think, Raticate?"
"Rat." The rodent nodded and walked over to the three men. "Rat raticate rat cate?"
"He asked if you have food supplies."
"We have about... Three months' worth of... Rations, even accounting for... Yourself."
"Then we're in." He stood up. "I'm Ben."
Location: Joanne's Flat
Player: Joanne Bloggs (8-2-4)
Let's see, have I ingested enough vodka to not write godawful emo poetry I thought I'd gotten out of my system donks ago.
JOANNE used WRITE!
ANGST FUELED MOPE FEST about LIFE BEING PAIN appeared!
...Goddamnit. How'd I screw up so much that I'm emotionally back to my teens?
In JOANNE's defence, they weren't capable of WRITING SONETTES back then!
...Huh?
87% of POEMS JOANNE has WRITTEN since NARRATOR RETURNED have been SONETTES!
...So I've been writing angsty teen bs in a traditionally romantic form factor that, while requiring technical skill I definitely didn't have back then, is old hat and overly formal?
NARRATOR misses the SNIPING!
Yeah, well, when I stop feeling like I screwed over the first good relationship I've had due to failing to communicate, maybe I'll go back to doing that.
Not to mention getting confirmation that Red folded the Net, meaning he's not even you know where. Which... OK, yeah, that's not really my fault but I gave him access to the Safe House. That the kid randomly put in the right code for the Net Room is just unlucky.
NARRATOR--
Oh, don't worry - I'm fully aware that one's definitely more on you than on me. The whole Gosslord situation which likely led him to the Net Room is entirely your fault.
...NARRATOR sol--
Solved the problem that only occurred because you're incompetent when Ben released you from however it was he caught you? Yeah. I know.
Oh. Wow. Getting peeved at you did more to cheer me up than the booze was doing.
BEN didn't release NARRATOR!
...Huh?
NARRATOR is still technically BEN's POKéMON!
Technically?
BEN ran away before FACING CONSEQUENCES for CATCHING it!
And he ran away rather than just recalling you?!
NARRATOR... put MECHANISMS in place to DISSUADE BEN from RECALLING it!
...
...
...And suddenly I need another stiff drink for a vastly different reason.
SPIRIT appeared!
...Narrator, I am way too drunk to be in the mood--
SPIRIT wants to fight!
...Goddamnit.
SPIRIT sent out GHOST!
I'm sure I'm going to regret asking, but which?
GHOST!
Yes, that's a type, which ghost type.
Just GHOST!
...A ghost type called ghost?
Not a GHOST TYPE, just GHOST!
So what the hell is it?
MAROWAK!
...As in, an Alolan Marowak?
No!
GHOST is not a GHOST TYPE!
GHOST is just a REGULAR MAROWAK!
...Then why are you calling it Ghost?
GHOST is its NICKNAME!
...Normally the headache of a hangover comes after sleeping, somehow you have a way of reversing the order when you want to.
Now that I've finally extracted that it's a ground type, I'm going to send out Bubble Tea.
JOANNE sent out BUBBLE TEA!
GHOST used GHOST!
S!
...S?
JOANNE should ADD A LETTER!
...Wait as in the... Surely I'm way too drunk for word games.
If NARRATOR recalls JOANNE used to play this as a DRINKING GAME!
...Well, yeah, but I'm no longer in college. I don't need to come up with an excuse to drink leading me to turn everything into a drinking game, I'm mature enough to skip the prelude and just drink.
It's still JOANNE's turn!
Bubble beam.
In the GHOST SUB-GAME, not the BATTLE!
Fine.
...Just regular Ghost? Sp.
SPE!
Spee.
SPEEC!
...Err...
Speect?
CHALLENGE!
Fine, yeah, not the start of a word, but the only legitimate letter I could think of was an H which...
GHOST used SPEECH!
GHOST gained POWER of SPEECH!
GHOST wants someone to AVENGE its MURDER!
...I thought you said it wasn't a ghost type.
GHOST is GROUND TYPE!
GHOST is also a DEAD MAROWAK!
...
...That feeling like I've managed to get a hangover without the required sleep between drinking and getting one is increasing.
GHOST also wants someone to CARE for its CHILD!
...Why can't Spirit do it?!
GHOST doesn't want its CHILD to be raised by BOOZE!
Well in that case I'm clearly not qualified.
GHOST heard JOANNE likes HELPING KIDS!
The last one I tried to help is stuck goodness knows where and I've zero intention of following after him.
GHOST is sure JOANNE can do it!
Not. Happening.
GHOST intends to HAUNT JOANNE until they ACCEPT!
Like your trainer is going to stick around for long enough for you to do that.
GHOST thinks SPIRIT can MANIFEST wherever SPIRITS are PRESENT!
GHOST thinks JOANNE has a lot of SPIRITS!
...
...
...Well if you're going to be hanging around the house long term, you can start paying rent.
GHOST is not sure it was EXPECTING where this is going!
Also, washing up. I hate doing it.
GHOST enjoys SMASHING PLATES!
Then since I won't have as much rent to pay, I'll just start getting takeaway more.
But you're paying for every plate you wreck.
Or you can accept I'm not going to adopt your Cubone, and you can either faint due to me having a very clear type advantage here or convince your trainer to run away.
GHOST gives up!
SPIRIT recalled GHOST!
SPIRIT ran away!
Well, that calls for a celebratory drink for sure.
...JOANNE is out of BOOZE!
No, I'm not, I just stocked up on enough rum, whisky and vodka to last me a couple of weeks, even at the rate I've been drinking lately.
All of which are SPIRITS!
...
...
...Goddamnit.
Solveig has been noticing some changes in the way her mind works since the Narrator's return, and is currently trying to solve a Sudoku she herself set in order to test a hypothesis.
Battle 69: Puzzling Predicaments
Published: 13/05/23
Location: Solveig's Study
Player: Solveig Poulsen (5-0-2)
...
...
...Why isn't it solving?
Maybe SOLVEIG is just LOSING the BATTLE OF WITS with the SETTER?!
You're thinking of locks. A good lock is designed not to be solved, a good puzzle is designed to be solved and is more of a journey the setter takes you on. All you have to do is keep up.
Maybe SOLVEIG isn't INTELLIGENT enough to KEEP UP WITH the SETTER!
That's the problem. This is the one I set about a week before you disappeared. Got strong feedback. And now... I can't solve it despite having had to solve it multiple times while setting it. I should know every. Damn. Step.
...
I've felt a lot stronger at pop culture based clues on my crosswords lately, and while there's no bad knowledge, somehow that doesn't feel like compensation considering it seems to be at the expense of the part of my brain that was solving logic based puzzles.
Still. Good to confirm a hypothesis. Hence attempting to solve a puzzle I set fairly recently. Long term impact of evolving into a Gosslord via having one's brain eaten by it even after getting it back when you devolve.
PHONE used RING!
Better answer it.
SOLVEIG used ANSWER!
Hi.
Joanne? Good hearing from you, not been in touch with either of you since we solved the Tilde case together. How are things with Catherine?
...Ah. Sorry to hear that. Is this a social call, do you need help with a crossword, or is this something more serious?
...Well they can be used to fish with, or climb, or trap things, or refer to profits following deductions, or they're a plane of polygons which can be folded to become the faces a higher dimensional shape. Why do you ask?
Well, that's quite a curveball of a problem to throw at me. How urgent is this?
...Why did a child have access to a device apparently powered by a hypnotic net?!
OK then. I thought you were a journalist rather than some sort of spy hiding kids from the mob.
...That's certainly an unusual hobby. How did you come across this tech?
Yes, this probably will be easier to talk about in person. One problem. My mind isn't as sharp as it was last time we worked together, unless pop cultural knowledge is a major part of this investigation. Have you tried the research team?
...Then we'll just have to manage. I'll meet you as soon as I can.
Location: Unknown
Red's Pokémon had made it quite clear what they felt about the gruel. They preferred to stay inside their Pokéballs where they were kept fed without the gruel. Aside from Muk. Muk's preferred food in nature is sewage, and as such was very happy to eat the contents of the bucket that Red had located and was using as a makeshift lavatory. As such, she was keeping Red company much more than Tentacool and Velociraptor.
The room was small, and due to Muk's frequent trips outside of its Pokéball, it no longer smelt remotely pleasant. When not being kept company by a sludge monster, Red was attempting to solve the sudoku on the wall in the hopes that doing so would free him from this room. The fact it was type symbols made it harder to scan. The fact that it was 18x18 made it even trickier still. And the fact that Red had joined the criminal organization he was now fleeing from in part to avoid doing arbitrary puzzles to navigate the world... Might not have contributed to the difficulty, but made the fact he found himself needing to solve one even more annoying to the boy.
He found himself forcing himself to attempt to find something in the grid - anything - to go off of.
Location: Safehouse 24 (Exterior) Player: Solveig Poulsen (5-0-2)
My mind may not be as sharp as it once was, but the glaring hole in the door suggests a Gosslord got in here.
...
...
...I was forcibly evolved into a Gosslord while the Narrator was MIA. Ask me about the rumours about Agatha and Professor Oak's history together, on the other hand, and I can give you chapter and verse on them.
...If I had to guess as to the mechanism I'd say some of my prior neural pathways have been overwritten.
Helpful for Unova style crosswords. Not so helpful for assisting clients.
Joanne Bloggs: We'll make it work.
So what's actually happening here?
Joanne Bloggs: I slipped that Red kid we fought my card if he wanted to escape Team Rocket. He took me up on it prior to the Narrator getting captured.
...I'm sorry, back up a second, the Narrator got what?
Joanne Bloggs: The Narrator was captured by that Ben kid just after I sealed away that weirdo and his younger self into the Tilde.
You what?
Joanne Bloggs: Oh. Right. After we found out what was in the Tilde I decided to put them back alongside the other one of them they mentioned.
Why?
Joanne Bloggs: I'm not a fan of gods. Present company not excepted.
Oi!
And you didn't involve me because?
Joanne Bloggs: Too dangerous. Same reason I didn't involve Catherine.
...
...
...Let me guess.
Her finding out about your stunt caused the breakup?
Joanne Bloggs: Time apart.
Same thing and you know it. Just with a chance that in a few months, you'll be back together.
Joanne Bloggs: Hence why I was wallowing in booze until the Narrator stole it via a pun.
And now you've recruited me to help you rescue a kid to continue to avoid dealing with your emotions.
Joanne Bloggs: ...Are you going to help me save a kid or waste time psychoanalyzing me?
Sorry. New neural pathways interacting with the old ones in weird ways.
You're right. Whatever's motivating you doesn't really matter, what matters is what we can do. Let's check out this... Safe...
Honesly, I don't know why I'm surprised that a safe house is literally a safe the size of a house.
Location: Safehouse 24 (Net Room)
...This is certainly a lot of nets. Are those floating numbers various company's net profits?
Joanne Bloggs: Yeah.
How much has been changed by people investigating the room?
Joanne Bloggs: I helped the Pokémon in here get out of the safe house. I'm guessing he was being pursued by multiple Gosslord and the net defence worked, but left everything else as is.
Joanne Bloggs: Come to think of it, when I was looking into hiding from the Gosslord with Catherine here, there was only one attacking it rather than the multiple Pokémon I guided out.
...Anyone else?
Joanne Bloggs: No one else that the Narrator knows the location of knows this thing exists.
Yeah, you said on the phone that the research team that discovered this safe house wasn't around anymore. What happened to them?
Joanne Bloggs: They folded the net.
...I... See...
So, the shoe on the floor and cut in the cargo net aren't from him having a run in with Gosslord.
Joanne Bloggs: His backpack is in the Monster Field for some reason.
Monster Field?
Joanne Bloggs: Yeah. An infinitely configurable room with tall grass. Can replicate the encounter rates of any known route.
Huh. What was it set to?
Joanne Bloggs: Not sure. We can check on our way out if you think it might help.
It might. Time to check the folded net.
SOLVEIG used CLIMB!
CARGO NET wants to fight!
Of course it does.
X-Wing, go.
JOANNE sent out BUBBLE TEA!
CARGO NET sent out CARGO NET!
CARGO NET used TRAFFIC!
CARS certainly did GO!
That... Is certainly a lot of cars for a room of this size...
Impressive offroad handling, too, considering a lot of the surfaces in here aren't even solid.
It doesn't affect X-WING!
BUBBLE TEA is in critical condition!
JOANNE withdrew BUBBLE TEA!
JOANNE sent out PHONE!
It's a net. Cut it.
X-WING used CUT!
It's super effective!
CARGO NET fainted!
...Ah.
JOANNE withdrew PHONE!
Joanne Bloggs: So, what do you want to do while we wait for the Cargo Net to become usable again?
I intend to examine the folded net. X-Wing, since the Narrator is convinced you're a spaceship, can you give me a lift?
X-WING used FLY!
X-WING flew up high!
...With a PASSENGER!
Cheers. Return.
SOLVEIG withdrew X-WING!
Now, let's see what we have here... A cube with some weird symbols...
SOLVEIG used TOUCH!
SOLVEIG touched the CUBE!
CUBE used DEFENCE MECHANISMS!
SOLVEIG was BLASTED clear of the CUBE!
Landed in a SAFETY NET!
...ow...
Joanne Bloggs: ...Oh. Right. Sorry. Should have warned you about that. Wasn't expecting you to try and touch it.
No... That was reckless on my part. Particularly since it's capable of transporting people either inside of it or outside of the Narrator's influence. It really does have hypnotic effects to make you want to touch it, though, even in its folded state.
But I have enough information to start an investigation.
Joanne Bloggs: Wait, what?
Yeah. Apparently, I was wrong about gossip not helping clients. The symbols on the faces of the folded net match those rumoured around sightings of beings from other dimensions. There are monthly magazines dedicated to the subject. All unsubstantiated rumours, of course. Or, as one might put it, gossip.
Joanne Bloggs: ...You're... Seriously going with UFO magazines as a lead?
Normally I wouldn't, of course, but it would be one hell of a coincidence for a fake extra-dimensional visitor's markings to match the markings on such a powerful artefact.
Joanne Bloggs: ...You really think it's aliens from Dimension X?
Of course not. Just that some of the sightings might not be fake, just... Of mistaken causes... And whatever the ones that aren't fake are actually about may be connected.
Besides, unless we can figure out how to touch the thing without triggering a concussive blast, we can't start working on figuring out if there's a way of using the device to contact whoever's been transported by it or trapped within it.
Location: Unknown
"...I think that's Fire?" He pressed the cell with his hand and the vaguely familiar popup appeared, where he proceeded to then touch the fire symbol. Red had gotten a fourth symbol entered into the grid, it had only taken him three weeks of trying. "Which... Oh, that's on one of the open triangles. The smaller end. I guess that means... Whatever's in this cell above is... Super effective against it? Well, at least that part's easy, either Water, Rock or Ground. Unless it's types Fire's not very effective against, which would replace Ground with Dragon... Ugh..." He wished he was doing a strength puzzle. However much he hated strength puzzles, at least he understood the rules of a strength puzzle. And it didn't normally take weeks to make any progress in them.
A voice faintly echoed in the room he was in. "...A cube with some weird symbols..." He then heard what sounded like a pulse, muffled as if impossibly far away. And then silence. Was someone trying to contact him? Rescue him, maybe?
"Hello?" Red called out, hopefully. "I'm trapped in here. I don't know where I am. There's an obscenely difficult sudoku. I think I'm meant to solve it to escape."
There was no response.
During the Narrator's disappearance, Lass Maria was saved from her father, at the time evolved into a Gosslord, by Shadow. She never got the chance to thank him, so she's now seeking him out to do so.
Battle 70: Navigation Trouble
Published: 20/05/23
Location: Route 5
Player: Lass Maria (0-0-0)
I'm pretty sure he took me to a gym in Saffron, so that should be directly south of here rather than through the underpass.
...I don't like how much damage those monsters did to the routes. The tall grass used to be tall enough to find Pokémon in.
MARIA used NAVIGATE!
NAVY GATE appeared!
It's super quaint!
...I don't recall this last time I came through, though I was a bit too upset to pay attention at the time.
GOSSLORDs RAMSACKED CITY GATES!
SAFFRON CITY repair budget only extended to WOODEN GARDEN GATES to replace them!
NAVY was the closest colour to SAFFRON available for PAINTING!
Isn't Saffron a sort of golden yellow rather than a dark blue?
The PAINT SUPPLIES were NEARLY GONE!
GUARD I appeared!
Hi, can you let me through the gate, please?
GUARD I had to paint the gates!
GUARD I hasn't been able to get a drink since!
GUARD I is too thirsty to let people through!
...I see...
Well, I suppose I'll just take a trip through the underpass and head up from the north.
Location: Route 6
Time: 30 minutes later
OK. So. Let's see...
NAVY GATE appeared!
This one is also super quaint!
Is there a city guard at this one as well?
GUARD A appeared!
Cool.
Hi, can you let me through the gate, please?
GUARD A had to build the gates!
GUARD A hasn't been able to get a drink since!
GUARD A is too thirsty to let people through!
...Narrator, if you don't want me to get to Saffron you could just say so.
Especially considering you let the region get infested and...
...
...Happier thoughts... Just think about Flabébé and how nice it would be to go to Kalos and catch one.
Right. Ready.
NARRATOR wasn't there!
Why were those things there to attack when you left?
...
...Silence is unusual for you.
But I guess I need to take the time to go round from the East since I don't have a bike so can't use bicycle road.
...I don't even have a wallet large enough to have enough money for a bike.
Location: Route 8
Time: 3 hours later
...OK. Made it.
NAVY GATE appeared!
Yet again it's super quaint!
Is there a guard at this one to talk to?
GUARD N appeared!
Hi, can you let me through the gate, please?
GUARD N had to supervise GUARD A building the GATES and GUARD I painting the GATES!
...Please tell me this isn't going where I think it's going...
GUARD A hasn't been able to get a drink since!
...You're kidding. Surely you're kidding.
GUARD A is too thirsty to let people through!
...Narrator why won't you let me get to Saffron?
I just want to... Thank Shadow... For saving me...
SHADOW is not currently in SAFFRON!
...You could have told me that sooner.
MARIA could have told NARRATOR why they were HEADED to SAFFRON sooner!
...Oh. Did I forget to tell you I was looking for Shadow?
Yes!
Where is he if he's not in Saffron?
SHADOW is currently... In... Err...
...
...
...NARRATOR thinks it might be HELL?!
But he's nice, why would he go to hell?
To PET an EEVEE!
...What?
SHADOW has been PETTING an EEVEE in a location NARRATOR thinks might be HELL for the past FEW WEEKS!
I... Pardon?
SHADOW has been PETTING an EEVEE in a location NARRATOR thinks might be HELL for the past FEW WEEKS!
...Very funny.
NARRATOR tries!
I was being sarcastic.
NARRATOR is so used to DELIBERATELY IGNORING SARCASM that it's almost SECOND NATURE at this point!
Can you explain what Shadow's doing petting an Eevee in hell?
NARRATOR thinks they're trying to EVOLVE it!
To escape?
Huh?!
...Surely he wants to escape hell?
Oh!
SHADOW can LEAVE any time they like!
SHADOW just wants an UMBREON so they went to a location NARRATOR thinks might be HELL to PET an EEVEE!
...I think I'm getting a headache.
GUARD N offers a CAMPING COT!
...What?
GUARD N often finds a NAP helps HEADACHES!
...While you're on guard duty?
GUARD N sleeps like a SNORLAX!
...I'm pretty sure that makes it worse, not better.
...But You know what, actually, yeah, I guess I'll try having a nap. Because not only does what the Narrator just told me give me a headache, I have been walking for hours and my legs could use a rest.
CAMPING COT wants to fight!
...Great...
Staryu, go.
MARIA sent out STARYU!
CAMPING COT sent out CAMPING COT!
CAMPING COT used YAWN!
STARYU is getting drowsy!
GUARD N is getting drowsy!
Staryu, try a Minimize. If the Narrator's puns work in our favour at least that might minimize the amount of time you're asleep for.
STARYU used MINIMIZE!
CAMPING COT became MINIATURE!
...Err...
Try a quick Rapid Spin, see if you can get it in before the drowsiness takes effect at least.
GUARD N fell asleep!
But CAMPING COT is DOLL SIZE!
CAMPING COT fainted under GUARD N's weight!
Staryu, we won, return before you also fall asleep.
MARIA recalled STARYU!
At least with the guard asleep I shouldn't need to go around Saffron to get back home.
GUARD N is blocking the path!
...Err?
GUARD N sleeps like a SNORLAX!
GUARD N becomes an IMPASSABLE OBJECT while ASLEEP!
Or I can do a lot more walking, apparently.