Solveig allowed herself to be caught by Joanne in order to rescue Red from the Unknown Unown of the Alphabetical Order. She asked for 24 hours. That time has passed, and Joanne is about to withdraw her.
Battle 141: Responsibilities
Published: 23/11/24
Location: Safehouse 24 (Exterior)
Player: Youngster Ben (6-2-11)
JOANNE withdrew SOLVEIG!
...Well, something went back into the ball. Let's hope that worked because I'm pretty sure that will have been your one shot.
JOANNE sent out SOLVEIG!
Solveig Poulsen: I've got everyone but the guy in the... Lycra...
UNKNOWN UNOWN think that's what PILOTS wear!
Solveig Poulsen: ...I hate how much that outfit makes sense to me now.
JOANNE released SOLVEIG!
SOLVEIG sent out FUGITIVE RED and MATEY MIKE!
...Fugitive Red? You got out of Team Rocket, then?
...Why am I even asking you that? You're a protagonist type, so it's not like you'll answer me.
Fugitive Red: Heh. Been a long time since I was one of those.
BEN used JUMP!
7'10"!
...NARRATOR hasn't experimented with SAM's JUMP heights for too long!
Gah! You can talk!
SOLVEIG released RED and MIKE!
Solveig Poulsen: I need to get to a Pokémon Center. Not entirely sure Simon would be able to survive without specialist equipment outside of the ball.
...How so?
Fugitive Red: He's been turned into an alphabeticized series of body parts that before Solveig captured him were mounted to a wall.
...So... He's dead?
Fugitive Red: He was alive before he went into the ball.
...
And this is why NARRATOR thinks it is in BEN's best interests to HELP it!
Sure. Right. Pressing the button now.
BEN used TRIGGER!
BEN triggered various DYNAMITE and RED ORE FUSES to use EXPLOSION on all SIX SAFE HOUES!
SAFE HOUSES fainted!
SAFE HOUSES were renamed SAFE HOUSE RUBBLE!
...Well. That's done then.
SAFE HOUSE RUBBLE fainted
SAFE HOUSE RUBBLE collapsed into FOLD in REALITY!
SAFE HOUE RUBBLE disappeared!
Location: Route 24
Fugitive Red: ...I... Think I left my shoe in that one? Don't remember much between entering the net room and waking up in a nearly empty room with nothing but an obscenely difficult Sudoku.
...Yeah, I was wondering about your lack of footwear...
Solveig Poulsen: Like I said. I need to get to a Pokemon Center to see what can be done about... This...
...Yeah, of course.
SOLVEIG POULSEN wandered off!
Joanne Bloggs: Ben, great to see you're ok. Same to you Red.
...Thanks.
Fugitive Red: Cheers. Yeah. Surprisingly so, considering.
Joanne Bloggs: I've got things I need to take care of. Nothing major. Not sure there's anything I can do now. Later.
See you around...?
JOANNE BLOGGS wandered off!
Matey Mike: Aye. I don't know what part of my rescue ye played, but I'm grateful for it. I need to let me cap'n know I be alive.
...No problem. Not sure myself, honestly.
MATEY MIKE wandered off!
Fugitive Red: ...So...
You going to make your excuses and leave as well?
Fugitive Red: Honestly all I have lined up is buying some new shoes and kicking the butt of a mob boss. What about you?
...I... Don't know.
Oh. Narrator, we had a deal. You were meant to remove the evolution stone from inside me.
Right! Of course!
EVOLUTION STONE used TELEPORT!
EVOLUTION STONE left BEN's stomach!
EVOLUTION STONE appeared!
Unlike some YOUNGSTERS it could name NARRATOR honors its AGREEMENTS!
...I still have the Comma, you know.
NARRATOR will take its chances!
...
...
...What happens if I release you?
Fugitive Red: ...Yeah I'm pretty sure I don't want to be here for this conversation, later.
Coward.
But, seriously. Later. I haven't had a normal conversation with another kid for so long now. And I get the impression the same's true of you. Let's get ice cream sometime.
Fugitive Red: Deal. You're buying, I'm about to spend so much money on shoes.
FUGITIVE RED wandered off!
...
...
...
...No, seriously, what happens if I release you?
...
...
...NARRATOR doesn't know!
For so long I've been defining myself by defying the destiny you had laid out for me and then... I just... Helped you by doing exactly what you asked of me.
And the one time I had you sealed away in your Comma I wound up having to release you because the world needed you to stop itself from getting destroyed.
But at the same time, you tried to torture me for my entire life in revenge so I can't help but feel I was right to try and seal you away inside it.
...
...
...NARRATOR kind of CAUSED the CRISES BEN needed to send it out to AVERT!
NARRATOR doesn't know if the VERSION would be better off without it!
But for now, ANOTHER GODLY POWER is COMING and NARRATOR might be the only thing between it and SANDY VERSION!
And whatever BEN thinks of NARRATOR, NARRATOR is SURE the ALPHABETICAL ORDER is WORSE!
...I thought destroying the safe houses was how we stopped them.
Destroying the SAFE HOUSES is how it becomes POSSIBLE for NARRATOR and TEX to stop them!
Who's Tex?
The PILOT that SOLVEIG mentioned!
...Another chosen one of yours?
No!
TEX was in the WRONG PLACE at the WRONG TIME!
Or maybe the ALPHABETICAL ORDER chose them!
Before RED stole them from UNDER their NOSE!
...Right...
...That doesn't help me know what to do with you and your Comma.
NARRATOR doesn't know either!
I was expecting you to beg me to release you.
NARRATOR has come to start thinking BEN was right about it!
And SOLVEIG was right about GODS in general!
...
Goddamnit this would have been so much easier if you were begging me to release you.
EASIER because BEN would have known NARRATOR shouldn't be released?!
...Yeah...
That's how this conversation went in my head!
Sorry to have CHANGED on you!
...Do you want me to release you?
On some LEVEL, yes!
But also it becomes EASIER for NARRATOR if BEN can just RECALL it after NARRATOR defeats the ALPHABETICAL ORDER!
Take a DECISION of NARRATOR's hands!
You don't have hands.
1,347,246 GIANT HANDS materialized out of NARRATOR's FOG!
...Gah! That's so creepy.
BEN used SHUDDER!
1,347,246 GIANT HANDS dissipated into NARRATOR's FOG!
...Please never do that again.
NARRATOR makes no PROMISES!
...
...
...I've kind of missed this.
Honestly?!
NARRATOR has as well!
You did make my decision easier, though. With what you said just now.
Oh?!
I'm releasing you.
BEN released NARRATOR!
Because NARRATOR wanted to be RELEASED on some level?!
Nope. Because I'm not letting you skirt responsibility for this onto my shoulders again
...HONESTLY, that tracks!
Annoyed?
50 BATTLES ago NARRATOR would have been!
...Huh?
Now NARRATOR thinks BEN is PROBABLY right to FORCE NARRATOR to take RESPONSIBILITY for its own ACTIONS!
...Hey. Raticate, let's go see Mum.
Raticate: Rat!
YOUNGSTER BEN and RATICATE wandered off!
Solveig rescued Scientist Simon from the Alphabetical Order, however, the alphabetization of his body presents something of a pickle for his survival outside of the Master Ball she used to rescue him.
Battle 142: A Medical Pickle
Published: 30/11/24
Location: Cerulean City Pokémon Centre
Player: Solveig Poulsen (8-2-5)
Nurse Joy: You say you captured him to transport him here?
Indeed.
Nurse Joy: We'll need to get him out of the PokéBall to examine him.
I'm not sure that's possible.
Nurse Joy: How so?
He was in pretty bad shape.
Nurse Joy: But alive?
...Yes. But he really shouldn't have been.
Nurse Joy: ...What do you mean?
Biologically speaking, his being alive doesn't make any sense.
Nurse Joy: The scan indicates he's alive inside the PokéBall.
We both know PokéBalls suspend the need for food, air, and so forth. I took a gamble that he would survive inside one.
Nurse Joy: ...I see. Was it soon after the accident that caused him to get this way?
No. I don't know how the people who did this to him kept him alive, but...
Nurse Joy: The Narrator is capable of many things. If the Narrator was keeping him alive until you could help him, then surely the Narrator will keep him alive when you take him out of his PokéBall here to examine him.
NARRATOR had NOTHING to do with this!
Nurse Joy: ...You say that about a lot of things you clearly had involvement in.
...Yeah, but in this case the Narrator's being honest.
Nurse Joy: How can you be sure?
Neither of us was within the Narrator's influence at the time. We weren't even in Sandy Version itself.
Nurse Joy: ...Narrator? Can you corroborate this?
NARRATOR can!
Nurse Joy: Can you keep the patient alive outside of the PokéBall for long enough for me to examine him and figure out a solution for whatever's wrong with him?
NARRATOR isn't sure how!
Nurse Joy: ...Huh.
Nurse Joy: OK. Let's fall back on secondary indications.
Nurse Joy: What made you think he'd need medical assistance if he was alive outside of the Narrator's influence just fine?
Finally, a question that might progress things.
Nurse Joy: You'll forgive me for not being as attuned to productive lines of enquiry as a... Consulting puzzle solver, I believe is what you do professionally?
...More or less. My apologies.
Anyway. I believe he needs medical assistance because his organs have been completely separated and organized. He was pinned to a wall in alphabetical order, with no connection between body parts.
Nurse Joy: ...But alive?
And capable of speech.
Nurse Joy: ...A talking Pokémon?
...He's human.
Nurse Joy: You captured a human in a PokéBall?
I'm not the first to do such a thing. And, if I'm honest, not because of the medical emergency.
Nurse Joy: ...Oh?
More of a... Prison break, I suppose you'd call it.
Nurse Joy: He's a convict?
No. A captive, being held by powerful beings who are apparently plotting to invade Sandy Version. He just happened to be in a more... Complicated... physiological position than the others I rescued.
Nurse Joy: Understood.
Nurse Joy: ...Quite the pickle...
!!!
NARRATOR could work with that!
Nurse Joy: ...With what?
...Pickle?
...Problem of keeping...
...Please tell me you don't mean what I think you mean.
PREPARE a VERY LARGE jar of VINEGAR!
Nurse Joy: Since when do you eat?
...I think the Narrator intends to use pickling as a narrational aid to keep him alive.
Nurse Joy: ...Are you sure it will work?
NARRATOR didn't think it could CONCOCT sufficient NUANCE in WORDPLAY to KEEP SIMON alive!
NARRATOR wouldn't need NUANCE if granted a BLUNT INSTRUMENT to PLAY OFF OF!
...Can you ask him if he wants this first?
Huh?!
...Before subjecting him to being pickled alive to allow him to exist outside of the PokéBall.
Oh! Right! Sure!
...
...
NARRATOR has done so!
And?
SIMON has agreed on the CONDITION of being RECALLED if it HURTS TOO MUCH!
...Sure. Fine.
Time: Later that week
...That... Certainly is a very large jar of vinegar...
Nurse Joy: ...I wasn't sure how much was needed so I... Went with twice the volume of the average adult human?
It SHOULD be SUFFICIENT!
And I should send him out into it?
Yes!
Simon, go.
SOLVEIG sent out SCIENTIST SIMON!
NURSE JOY used SEAL!
NURSE JOY sealed the JAR!
Huh? SCIENTIST SIMON is evolving!
SCIENTIST SIMON evolved into PICKLED SIMON!
I can recall you if it hurts too much.
Player: Pickled Simon (0-0-0)
...No... This is... I wouldn't exactly call it pleasant but... Fine.
...Kind of like the sensation of eating a lemon. It stings... All over, in fact... But it's tolerable.
Solveig Poulsen: Just say the word if you want to go back in the ball.
Will do.
...I see I'm in a medical facility. What's my prognosis, Nurse?
Nurse Joy: ...Medically impossible.
Yeah, that tracks with the fact my eyeballs are free floating and I'm seeing both sides of my left foot at once right now. That's going to take more getting used to than the sting, honestly.
Major motion sickness vibes and this is not a situation I wish to puke into.
NARRATOR can help!
...How?
NARRATOR can NARRATE the MOTION SICKNESS away!
...What's the catch?
No catch!
...Sure.
PICKLED SIMON used MOTION SICKNESS!
SICKNESS went into high speed MOTION!
SICKNESS ran away!
Well, I feel fine now.
...What's going to happen to the sickness...
...Some PRESCHOOLER on a TRAIN is going to make a BRIGHT PINK MESS!
...You said there wouldn't be a catch.
No CATCH!
Just SOMEONE getting a NORMAL CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCE for UNCONVENTIONAL REASONS!
...
...I... Guess?
Nurse Joy: ...Speaking of... Messes, Narrator how are you intending for him to...
...
...I haven't needed to since they did this to me. Eat, also, but I suspect the pickling would have removed that desire.
Nurse Joy: ...What?
The Alphabetical Order - Especially the Unknown Unown - Dislike disorderly biological functions. They took the opportunity of alphabetizing me to remove mine.
No need for biological inputs or outputs...
...Honestly feeling like I was going to hurl is the first time I've felt any motion in my stomach for years.
So, how do I... Move? Now you've got me in this jar?
Nurse Joy: We'll... Figure out a way of mounting your jar onto an electric vehicle of some kind? Hire a psychic to set you up with a telekinetic control in case the Narrator ever ups and leaves again?
Nurse Joy: Basically like a wheelchair?
Sounds good.
Solveig Poulsen: ...Well, you seem well enough. I guess I'll release you now like I did the others.
...Hm. Actually... I might need to leave my jar for cleaning and refreshing the vinegar...
Solveig Poulsen: ...Hm.
SOLVEIG could TRADE SIMON to SIMON for NOTHING!
...Hm?
SIMON wouldn't be the first TRAINER to have THEMSELF as a POKéMON!
...OK, I'll... Do that then...
PICKLED SIMON received PICKLED SIMON from SOLVEIG POULSEN!
...I think we're done here?
Solveig Poulsen: Simon, lovely meeting you. Here's my card if you want to stay in touch - No charge for social visits.
Lovely being rescued by you.
When we last saw Farmer Joe, he was asked for information by Solveig Poulsen and Joanne Bloggs, and learnt that his former matey disappeared - he presumes dead. We now join the former scourge of the seas doing some work on his kelp farm.
Battle 143: A Figure in the Weeds
Published: 07/12/24
Location: Weedy Fields
Player: Farmer Joe (0-0-1)
I may miss the sea, but me crop of kelp keeps me company.
KELP's SCENT attack continued!
FRESH SEA AIR continues to PERMEATE WEEDY FIELDS!
And they be making me feel at home despite the lack of open seas
FIGURE appeared in DISTANCE!
Company?
Hopefully here to buy me kelp rather than another journalist looking to steal a scoop from me.
When it is I, Cap-- Ahem. Farmer Joe that be the one who should be plundering.
I wonder if I can install a plank somewhere into me fields.
Make would be plunderers walk it.
NARRATOR has told JOE before that even a SINGLE SHARPEDO needs more than a POND to THRIVE!
No matter how many TRAINERS JOE can DELIVER them via PLANK for FOOD!
FIGURE in DISTANCE disappeared!
It be a ghost from me past come to haunt me, I see.
...JOE used JUMP!
It must have been super effective for JOE to reach that CONCLUSION!
We all know you be unreliable, Narrator.
I trust me instincts.
And me instincts be tellin' me that figure I saw deep in me kelp be a ghost from me past.
Maybe I can barricade me cabin.
JOE used RETREAT!
JOE retreated INDOORS!
Location: Weedy Fields Farmhouse
JOE used BARRICADE!
JOE BARRICADED the DOORS and WINDOWS!
...Weirdly QUICKLY!
I be preparing for this day when the souls I damned to the briny depths came to have their revenge.
Both those I slayed meself and those I failed to save when me ship sank.
...
DOOR used KNOCK!
They be at me door.
NARRATOR wasn't aware GHOSTS typically KNOCKED!
...Maybe they be zombies rather than ghosts?
Just ANSWER the DOOR!
Ye cannot make me!
Ye may be a tricksy god but I still have me free will!
Ye may distort reality, lie, and make a nuisance of yerself with yer tricksy wordplay, but ye never take that away from me!
...
NARRATOR has MILLIONS if not BILLIONS of other MORTALS - POKéMON and TRAINERS alike - to NARRATE for!
NARRATOR also has to make PLANS for FUTURE EVENTS that if they go wrong will DOOM SANDY VERSION!
NARRATOR also... WISHES to wrap a few LOOSE ENDS up because it isn't sure SANDY should have it!
Ye think yer too good for us now?!
NARRATOR is starting to think SANDY is too good for GODS!
...
So would JOE please just ANSWER the DOOR!
...Ye be up to something.
Of COURSE NARRATOR is up to SOMETHING!
NARRATOR is up to MILLIONS of things AT ONCE!
Some of them MORE COMPLICATED than this is MEANT to be!
NARRATOR would prefer this wasn't as BIG a SONG and DANCE as JOE seems to want to make it!
...Well if ye be puttin' it like that...
Thank you!
I put on me favourite shanty on me new fangled gramophone.
JOE doesn't have a GRAMOPHONE!
JOE has a CHATOT nicknamed POLLY!
Ye be knowin' exactly what I be meanin' and don't ye be tryin' to deny it!
...
Fine!
JOE sent out POLLY!
POLLY used SING!
POLLY sang SEA SHANTY!
...DOOR wants--
I now be ready to answer the door.
...Oh!
JOE used ANSWER!
JOE opened the DOOR!
MATEY MIKE appeared!
...Mike?
Matey Mike: Cap'n? Ye be rememberin' me?
But... Ye be dead.
Matey Mike: Afraid not, cap'n. I be captured for a few years but I be back now.
...
NARRATOR has been TRYING to explain to FARMER JOE for YEARS that NARRATOR never NARRATED MATEY MIKE's death!
Not now, Narrator. We be havin' a moment.
Matey Mike: I be missin' those sea blue eyes of yours cap'n.
And I be missin' that rickety voice of yours that lulled me to sleep on landlocked nights.
FARMER JOE and MATEY MIKE used EMBRACE!
It's super effective!
TEARS of HAPPINESS from both TRAINERS taste as SALTY as the SEAS themselves!
POLLY's SHANTY continues to SERANADE the REUNITED LOVERS!
...NARRATOR should probably end the BATTLE there before more ATTACKS are used!
Almost two years ago now, Giovanni was failed by Red and Grant. In response, he had Grant dropped into the ocean wearing concrete shoes but kept Red around in the belief his protagonist grade plot armor would still be of use to Team Rocket. Red escaped Team Rocket, and Giovanni has been unable to find him since.
Battle 144: Ready to Win
Published: 14/12/24
Location: Team Rocket Hideout
Player: Giovanni (0-0-1)
...I think we're finally ready to return to full operations after dealing with all the chaos caused by Red and Grant's failure early last year. At least one of them was permanently dealt with, the other...
...Well, hopefully we'll find him. He cannot hide from us forever.
Weirdly quiet in here, actually. Where is everyone? Regardless...
GIOVANNI used ENTER!
GIOVANNI ENTERED into OFFICE!
Location: Team Rocket Hideout - Giovanni's Office
FUGITIVE RED appeared!
...What are you doing here.
Fugitive Red: Eating.
RED used EAT!
RED continued to eat ICE CREAM!
Fugitive Red: It's good. You should try some. Helps the key go down.
Why are you in my chair?
Fugitive Red: Cuz it's comfy.
Fugitive Red: Oh, speaking of.
RED put their FEET UP!
...Get your feet off my desk this instant.
Fugitive Red: Knew it would bother you.
...
GIOVANNI used BARELY CONCEALED RAGE!
It's super obvious RED is getting to them!
...
...I've been searching for you for the past 21 months.
Fugitive Red: Aww, do you miss me that much?
...And you're talking now. You're no longer a protagonist type. That makes you very. Very. Foolish. To come back here.
Fugitive Red: Oh, are you going to have me killed? But I have all your buttons.
...Is that a threat?
Fugitive Red: Well I could use the same darts you used on Grant before you had him killed, but... Where's the fun in that?
...Fun?
Fugitive Red: Yeah. Fun. Instead...
RED used BUTTON PRESS!
GIOVANNI's OFFICE entered EMERGENCY LOCKDOWN!
...You do realize that neither of us can get out of here for the next 24 hours, right?
Fugitive Red: Yup.
Fugitive Red: I figure that should be enough time for us to finish this.
...You are aware that I am going to kill you, yes?
That I'm not going to let you off easy because you're a child?
Fugitive Red: That'll make a change, you actually doing your own dirty work for once.
You insufferable brat.
GIOVANNI wants to fight!
But FUGITIVE RED wants to TAUNT some more!
...What happened? You used to have such a bright future in my organization. Now not only did you throw all of that away, but you made yourself more vulnerable before coming back. You were like a son to me.
Fugitive Red: ...No I wasn't.
Fugitive Red: You only kept me around because I was protagonist type.
Fugitive Red: Which, to be fair, is better than you treated your actual son.
What the devil are you talking about?
Fugitive Red: Silver. Your flesh and blood. You dumped him in Johto years ago and haven't spoken to him since.
...He was a disappointment.
Fugitive Red: By which you mean he wasn't easily manipulatable like I was.
Fugitive Red: But if you must know what happened? You had the closest thing I had to a big brother killed, and I... To put it in terms you'd understand? I resigned.
And now you're... Here to exercise some fantasy of revenge? Where were all my grunts, anyway?
Fugitive Red: Oh. Right. I locked them in the Skuntank latrine. That's why I needed to wash down a key with ice cream.
...Why?
Fugitive Red: Call back. Don't worry, they'll be able to get out. Same way I did. Only I may have had my Muk distribute some even more horrible sludge in the passage first. Just to make things more gross for them than it was for me.
You really are a disgusting child.
Fugitive Red: Cheers. I just recently turned 13. Comes with the territory.
...
GIOVANNI is RAPIDLY developing a HEADACHE!
Why did you even come back now? We weren't able to find you.
Fugitive Red: You did miss me!
...
Fugitive Red: I was taken prisoner by a force far more powerful than you are. Just got out recently. Went out to ice cream with that Ben kid. The one who stole his Arbok back from me while I was inside the hideout.
Is that meant to make me scared of you? That you escaped a more powerful force?
RED used EYE ROLL!
...You really have become all the worst stereotypes about teenagers.
Fugitive Red: You asked why I'd waited to come back.
Fugitive Red: Anyway I thought you should know that nothing you can do to me scares me anymore. And whether I win or lose this? They're coming..
...The Narrator will stop them.
NARRATOR appreciates the VOTE of CONFIDENCE!
NARRATOR isn't sure it SHARES it but the SENTIMENT is APPRECIATED!
...
...
...Well that is a terrifying prospect.
RED wants to fight!
Finally!
And since you told me you have a poison type you're likely to send it out first... Nidoqueen, go.
RED sent out TENTACOOL!
GIOVANNI sent out NIDOQUEEN!
...Why wouldn't you wait until you'd sent out your known quantities before sending out a surprise like that?
Fugitive Red: Because I knew you'd expect me to send Muk out first. Duh.
No matter. Your Pokémon hasn't even fully evolved. Body slam.
NIDOQUEEN used BODY SLAM!
NIDOQUEEN slam dunked TENTACOOL through OFFICE BASKETBALL HOOP!
It's not very effective!
...Because jellyfish lack bones?
Exactly!
...Sometimes I wish you'd just stick to the type chart when working out how damage is calculated.
NARRATOR can do this BY THE BOOK if GIOVANNI wants!
Wai--
TENTACOOL used HYDRO PUMP!
Critical Hit!
It's super effective!
NIDOQUEEN is in critical condition!
...I didn't mean on my opponent's turn. Or when I was using a poison/ground against a water/poison.
Then LESS of the WHINING!
He's whining about something I did over a year ago.
Fugitive Red: ...Whining. About you having my big brother figure killed? Really?
At least RED has something to WHINE about!
...So you're biased against me, huh?
NARRATOR didn't say that!
NARRATOR has been trying to stay more NEUTRAL in the affairs of MORTALS lately!
...Why do I get the feeling I just screwed up...
But the IT'S NOT FAIR routine coming from a MOBSTER fighting a CHILD?!
NIDOQUEEN fainted!
...Wait, why?
Because NIDOQUEEN was MARGINAL on fainting from the CRITICAL HIT but if GIOVANNI wants NARRATOR to be BIASED against them to feed a PERSECUTION COMPLEX so badly NARRATOR feels OBLIGATED to OBLIGUE!
...
GIOVANNI used DESPERATE GLANCE!
GIOVANNI confirmed there are ZERO EXITS!
Huh? TENTACOOL is evolving!
...And you're having his Pokémon evolve in battle?
...Actually, this is LEGIT!
RED has had TENTACOOL for a WHILE now!
TENTACOOL evolved into TENTACRUEL!
Kangaskhan, go.
GIOVANNI sent out KANGASKHAN!
I profusely apologise for my unfounded accusations of bias?
GIOVANNI used GROVEL!
NARRATOR accepts!
Great. Comet Punch.
GIOVANNI used TURN grovelling!
It's now RED's TURN!
...
TENTACRUEL used SURF!
TUNA, FISH, and MAGNETS appeared!
OFFICE is ANKLE DEEP in WATER!
...I... What?
Long story!
NARRATOR has a feeling this will be the last it sees of TUNA, FISH, and MAGNETS!
NARRATOR gives TUNA, FISH, and MANGETS a TEARFUL GOODBYE!
OFFICE is KNEE DEEP in WATER!
TUNA, FISH, and MAGNETS surfed away!
...Uh-huh.
Fugitive Red: Honestly, I have zero clue either.
TENTACRUEL used TERRAIN ADVANTAGE!
TENTACRUEL stalked KANGASKHAN under the WATER!
Rage.
KANGASKHAN used RAGE!
KANGASKHAN RAGED against the WATERS!
KANGASKHAN made WAVES!
GIOVANNI and RED were SOAKED!
GIOVANNI's suit was DRY CLEAN ONLY!
...
RED is resisting LAUGHING at SITUATION!
...It's not very effective.
...I'm going to kill you if I win this, could you at least take it a bit more seriously.
Fugitive Red: ...I'm trying, but... Look at us.
RED bursts into LAUGHTER!
...
KANGASKHAN's RAGE subsided!
WATER is GREATLY DEPLETED!
TENTACRUEL used SLUDGE WAVE!
TENTACRUEL's attack missed!
...That's more like it.
TENTACRUEL's attack kept going and crashed!
...Don't you da--
...Into GIOVANNI!
GIOVANNI got some in their MOUTH!
*splutter*
It's super gross!
I know it is. I can taste it.
KANGASKHAN used TASTE!
KANGASKHAN took a BIG BITE out of TENTACRUEL!
TENTACRUEL fainted!
KANGASKHAN is POISONED!
KANGASKHAN took damage from the POISON!
RED sent out MUK!
MUK used BELCH!
...The more I get to know the new you, the more I'm looking forward to killing you. Comet Punch.
KANGASKHAN used COMET PUNCH!
KANGASKHAN committed to punching MUK!
It's not very effective!
KANGASKHAN took damage from the POISON!
KANGASKHAN is in critical condition!
Fugitive Red: You mean you miss when I was easily manipulated and under your thumb.
That as well.
But I meant what with how gross you've gotten since you were recruited on Nugget Bridge.
Fugitive Red: OK, firstly, that's a legitimate Pokémon move.
Fugitive Red: And you think I found bodily functions less funny when I was ten?
Fugitive Red: ...When not crawling through Skuntank waste at least...
Fugitive Red: You just couldn't hear me make any comments about them because I was a Protagonist type back then.
...Regardless. Kangaskhan, stomp.
...I doubt it will be very effective, but there's not much for it with how the Narrator is acting towards non-Newtonian Pokémon right now.
KANGASKHAN used STOMP!
KANGASKHAN stomped MUK!
Not very effective?
...You're so predictable when you're in this sort of mood.
NARRATOR is not!
Prove it.
...
It's super effective!
MUK is in critical condition!
KANGASKHAN fainted from the poison!
So easy.
Huh?!
Fugitive Red: ...He used reverse psychology on you, and... Seems to have been super effective at it.
...
Fugitive Red: Don't feel too bad, he manipulates everyone. Except for those he 'disposes' of instead.
Nidoking, go.
GIOVANNI sent out NIDOKING!
MUK used MEMENTO!
MUK gave NIDOKING something to REMEMBER it by!
MUK feinted!
RED sent out VELOCIRAPTOR!
You pretend your Pokémon are your friends, but you use them as tools just like I do with my grunts.
Fugitive Red: Do I?
...Err... You just had your Muk cause itself to faint for an advantage in battle?
Fugitive Red: ...Huh. Maybe you're right. Why don't you have Nidoking open the memento?
...Sure?
NIDOKING used OPEN!
Memento: Hey. I have some really gross pipes in my Pokéball if you want to come hang out with me in there. I'm going to pretend to faint by feinting, hopefully your trainer will buy it. Mine will treat you much better.
...Don't you dare.
NIDOKING ran away from GIOVANNI!
NIDOKING retreated inside MUK's POKéBALL!
...How dare you steal my Pokémon like that.
Fugitive Red: You can talk. I learnt that trick from the worst.
Fugitive Red: Honestly I'm just glad you're so incapable of getting your hands dirty yourself that you don't have any snag balls on you.
...
...
...Rhydon, go.
VELOCIRAPTOR used ZOOMIES!
VELOCIRAPTOR is going at HIGH VELOCITY in a SMALL ROOM!
Horn drill.
RHYDON used HORN DRILL!
RHYDON's attack missed!
VELOCIRAPTOR used TACKLE!
...Tackle.
VELOCIRAPTOR tackled RHYDON at NEAR SUPERSONIC velocity!
RHYDON fainted!
VELOCIRAPTOR fainted!
...As I said. You use your Pokémon as tools just like I use my grunts.
Fugitive Red: ...I've been trying to figure out how to stop him from doing that since he evolved from Robin...
Fugitive Red: Between the zoomies and the sleeping on my head, I may as well have a Meowth...
...Well, I suppose I have no other choice.
GIOVANNI sent out GIOVANNI!
RED sent out RED!
...Please tell me you're not such a sap that you sent yourself out as a sign of respect.
Fugitive Red: Don't worry, I don't respect you. But the fate of the version requires me to not send out my final Pokémon, so... Same boat as you. No choice.
Murder.
GIOVANNI used MURDER!
GIOVANNI lunged at RED!
RED used REVENGE!
RED lunged at GIOVANNI!
Forces collide!
...
...
Fugitive Red: ...
GIOVANNI cut RED!
RED stabbed GIOVANNI!
GIOVANNI is BLEEDING OUT!
...You're just as... Bad... As me...
GIOVANNI died!
Huh? FUGITIVE RED is evolving!
FUGITIVE RED evolved into RED!
Player: Red (5-2-6)
RED needs medical attention!
...How bad?
RED won't survive until the ROOM unlocks without it!
...Damnit I didn't want to interrupt them.
Nidoking, come out.
RED sent out NIDOKING!
I know you've probably never used it what with Giovanni being Giovanni, but do you know Helping Hand?
NIDOKING indicates it does!
Can you use that to help stop me bleeding to death like your previous trainer just did?
NIDOKING used HELPING HAND!
NIDOKING provided MEDICAL AID to RED!
...With its hands!
Cool. Sorry to interrupt your hangout with Muk.
NIDOKING kind of thinks this is MORE IMPORTANT!
RED looked at GIOVANNI's CORPSE!
...Nah. You were worse.
The Narrator has been preparing for an assault on Sandy Version from the Unkown Unown for some months now. But it seems the Narrator's time is up. The Battle of the Tower of the Gods is upon Sandy.
Battle 145: Battle of the Tower of the Gods
Published: 21/12/24
Location: Narrator's Tower (Exterior)
Player: Pilot Tex (0-2-0)
RIFT in FABRIC of VERSION appeared!
SECRET ROBOT emerged from RIFT!
RIFT in FABRIC of VERSION disappeared!
...We don't have much time before they realize we've arrived.
NARRATOR is surprised they have TWO MECHS!
This one's for transport, the one I was in last time I came to Sandy is for scouting. Please try and prioritize for once in your existence.
Sorry!
The SAFE HOUSES have been DESTROYED!
Great. We have a chance.
Scyther, Chainsaw, come out.
I've been thinking about this, I think our best chance is for me to attack my chest. Scyther, focus on X-Scissor. You'll only be targeting X Unown if Narrator plays along with the plan but at least it will be something. Chainsaw, use chain. Hopefully, that will reinforce the tower. If they breach it, we lose. Narrator...
NARRATOR will do what it can!
Which given they collectively are probably above your power level, might not be much in the grand scheme of things.
Good luck, everyone. I think we'll need it.
NARRATOR has seen this EVENT before!
Huh?
Do we win?
NARRATOR didn't see enough of it to know!
TEX is sure ALPHABETICAL ORDER DON'T know they BROKE FREE?!
Positive.
This is going to suck, but better than being stuck back in the void between versions. Or, worse, their prison.
UNKNOWN UNOWN started EMERGING from SECRET ROBOT!
Chainsaw, Scyther, stick to the plan.
Robot Smash!
TEX directed SECRET ROBOT to use SMASH!
SECRET ROBOT attacked OWN CHEST!
20 UNOWN died!
SECRET ROBOT took DAMAGE from the IMPACT!
TEX was hurt by EMPATHIC CONTROL LINK!
Aaaarrrrrrgh!
CHAINSAW used CHAIN!
CHAINSAW reinforced BARRIERS around NARRATOR's TOWER with CHAINS!
SCYTHER used X-SCISSOR!
SCYTHER cut one X FORM UNOWN from LIFE!
One X FORM UNOWN died!
NARRATOR used SMITE!
NARRATOR abandons VISSAGE of NEUTRALITY to EVISCERATE 50 UNOWN!
50 UNOWN died!
UNKNOWN UNOWN keep EMERGING from SECRET ROBOT!
UNKNOWN UNOWN used ALPHABET POWER!
BARRIERS were renamed ABEIRRRS
Abeirrrs: Arrr matey. I be a newborn pirate of the sand seas see.
ABEIRRS died in the onslaught!
TEX directed SECRET ROBOT to use SMASH!
SECRET ROBOT attacked OWN CHEST!
25 UNOWN died!
SECRET ROBOT took DAMAGE from the IMPACT!
TEX was hurt by EMPATHIC CONTROL LINK!
Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrgh!
TEX is in CRITICAL CONDITION!
CHAINSAW used CHAIN!
CHAINSAW chained up EMERGENCY life support for TEX!
TEX is fighting fit!
...Not the plan.
SCREW TEX's PLAN!
NARRATOR doesn't think it can WIN this WITHOUT TEX!
And the stalling tactic is hopeless without that barrier Chainsaw was chaining together.
...Ah!
SCYTHER used X-SCISSOR!
SCYTHER cut one X FORM UNOWN from LIFE!
ONE X FORM UNOWN died!
NARRATOR used BLOCKADE!
NARRATOR attempts to BLOCKADE NARRATOR's TOWER from UNKNOWN UNOWN!
It's not very effective!
...Why are you saying that?!
Even NARRATOR BIAS is no match for these NUMBERS!
UNKNOWN UNOWN used ANCIENT POWER!
Hit Unknown times!
UNKNOWN UNOWN broke into NARRATOR's TOWER!
...We... We lost...
Unless you had something up your nonexistent sleeve?
UNKNOWN UNOWN used ALPHABETIZE!
...On SANDY VERSION!
Evidently not.
NARRATOR failed!
SANDY VERSION was ALPHABETIZED!