Since we last saw Emojiman, the Narrator arranged a meeting between him and a dashing romantic in the hopes that the two would get on. They did.
Battle 106: Iconic Language
Published: 24/02/24
Location: Sand Views Restaurant
Player: Emojiman (1-1-2)
👨👀➡️🌌
Romeo: And thy speech is as eloquent to mine own ears as the soundeth of any flying typeth, beest t a traditional Pokémon 'r something the Narrat'r did invent.
NARRATOR really wishes ROMEO would stop calling it that!
Romeo: Mine own appologies, valorous booming voice in the sky, but t is mine own accent. Thee has't certes obs'rv'd by anon yond thy nameth simply cometh out narrat'r in t.
...
...
Arranging a MEETING between ROMEO and EMOJIMAN is something NARRATOR regrets almost as much as attempting to turn YOUNGSTER BEN into a CHOSEN ONE!
🍽️👨❔
Romeo: Aye, I bethink we shouldst 'rd'r our starteth'rs anon. We can stareth into each oth'r's eyes as we nibble on this fine establishment's famous Cloyst'r teaseth.
...More than!
Although still better than being TRAPPED inside a COMMA!
Actually, SCRATCH that last bit!
NARRATOR wishes it could crawl back inside its COMMA right now!
Romeo: Thee spake of thy careth'r as a podcast'r on our first date. What s'rt of things doth thee did broadcast yourself talking about?
Romeo: Just some fusty plays by a chap hath called William. Nothing liketh the mod'rn classics such as Pokémon the Musical. Still, t pays the bills.
Seriously, is NARRATOR going to need to put SUBTITLES on this BATTLE?!
Romeo: I wouldst enjoyeth knowing thee w're in the audience.
WAITER appeared!
WAITER will take your ORDERS now!
Romeo: I shall has't the same f'r starteth'rs.
Waiter: Great. I'll just get a Cloyster Teasers for you both. Do you want any drinks with that?
🍾🍷🏓➖🎾❔
Romeo: Splitting a bombard of wine sounds wond'rful.
Waiter: Perfect. I'll bring you the mains menu with your food.
NARRATOR would like to ORDER as well!
Waiter: ...Oh. Sure. That shouldn't be a problem. What would you like?
NARRATOR orders WAITER to explain how they UNDERSTOOD any of this!
Waiter: ...Bottle, wine, table tennis without tennis. Then bombard is a bit old fashioned but approximately means bottle, so that was agreement. And the only oyster related thing on the starter menu is Cloyster Teasers. Not hard. What's your problem?
...
...
...NARRATOR wishes it could have a LIE DOWN in a DARK ROOM right about now!
Since Horace and the Narrator encountered a glitch that caused them to temporarily swap text colours, the Narrator has enlisted Horace's aid in hunting down other glitches within Sandy Version. Thus far, the hunt has proven... Less than successful.
Battle 107: Eldritch Safari
Published: 02/03/24
Location: Safari Zone Entrance (exterior)
Player: Horace Hunter (3-0-3)
HORACE knows they're here to DESTROY the ENTITY if they ENCOUNTER it, not CATCH it?!
Yes. You've been quite clear that you think this is an invasion force, and the thing that caused us to swap text colours temporarily was merely a harbinger of things to come.
NARRATOR is more concerned with the ATTEMPT on NARRATOR's LIFE than the TEXT COLOUR SWAP!
Glad to hear you're over me making it so you can't keep arbitrarily changing my Pokémon's names.
NARRATOR is still annoyed about that!
NARRATOR just has PRIORITIES!
Are you sure there's one here?
Some VISITORS have REPORTED strange SIGHTINGS, some of which NARRATOR can CORROBORATE others of which were INVISIBLE to it!
Well, I suppose it's a lead.
Now, shut up so they'll actually let me in.
Location: Safari Zone Entrance
GUARD X appeared!
Guard X: Welcome to the Safari Zone!
Guard X: For just ₽500, you can catch all the Pokémon you want in the park!
Guard X: Would you like to join the hunt?
Yes.
Guard X: That'll be ₽500 please!
Guard X: We only use a special PokéBall here.
HORACE received 30 SAFARI BALLs!
Guard X: We'll call you on the PA when you run out of time or Safari Balls!
Location: Safari Zone
Any special steps I need to take?
NARRATOR isn't sure!
...As unhelpful as usual, I see. Even when I'm doing you a favour.
That's costing me money, by the by.
NARRATOR thinks some of them just randomly encountered things in the park?
Well, it's a start.
CHANSEY appeared!
CHANSEY wants to fight!
HORACE is in the SAFARI ZONE!
HORACE sent out HORACE!
May as well try and catch it, maybe I can find someone willing to trade me something more monstrous for it.
Safari ball, go.
Oh no, CHANSEY broke free!
CHANSEY ran away!
...I thought you said she wanted to fight?
CHANSEY does that!
Oh! NARRATOR thinks the SIGHTINGS are more common for TRAINERS who go to LEAVE and change their MINDS!
...Worth a shot...
Location: Safari Zone Entrance
Guard X: Leaving early?
No.
Guard X: Good luck!
Location: Safari Zone
Well, let's try this again, then.
CHANSEY appeared!
Oh, save it for someone who cares. Apparently, all you do is appear and run away again.
HORACE used SAVE!
HORACE SAVED the ANIMALS!
HORACE lost a COUPLE of SECONDS in the PROCESS!
...Seriously I thought this thing had Parasect. Those are pretty horrific. Not monstrous, exactly, but... Horrific life cycles...
CHANSEY ran away!
Narrator, this doesn't seem to be working.
NARRATOR hates to ADMIT it but HORACE seems to be CORRECT!
May as well cut my losses, then.
HORACE used CUT!
HORACE cut right out of here!
Location: Safari Zone Entrance
GUARD X appeared!
Guard X: Welcome to the Safari Zone!
Guard X: For just ₽500, you can catch all the Pokémon you want in the park!
Guard X: Would you like to join the hunt?
Huh?
Guard X: Would you like to join the hunt?
No.
Guard X: OK! Please come again!
Weird that he'd act like I was arriving rather than leaving just then...
NARRATOR shrugs!
...We both know you're incapable of that.
METAPHORICALLY!
Location: Route 15
Any other leads?
...Well there were the THREE KIDS who DISAPPEARED some time back!
...Disappeared how?
NARRATOR isn't sure!
One moment they were THERE and then they weren't!
...Worth investigating, I guess...
PA: Ding-dong!
Huh?
PA: Time's up!
...Time's up for what?
PA: Your Safari Game is over!
I left ages ago?
Narrator, what's happening?
NARRATOR isn't sure!
HORACE used TELEPORT!
Location: Safari Zone Entrance
HORACE teleported to SAFARI ZONE ENTRANCE!
GUARD X appeared!
What is going on, I don't even know that attack.
Everyone learns it AUTOMATICALLY while in the SAFARI ZONE!
But I wasn't in the... Never mind.
Guard X: Did you get a good haul?
Just a couple of Chansey that ran away each time...
Guard X: Come again!
You don't really have the sort of monsters I curate for my collection. But if I have business here again, I will.
Let's get back to where I was...
Location: Glitch City
...What in the world...
We7l thxs woulg EXPLAIN t8e WEIRD SIGHTINGS!
...And the Narrator's broken as well as the landscape. Great.
Last battle, Horace Hunter followed a lead from the Narrator - a series of unusual sightings within Fuchsia City's Safari Zone. While he didn't find the rumoured eldritch abomination within it, he did accidentally trigger the circumstances to go... Elsewhere.
Battle 108: Glitch City
Published: 09/03/24
Location: Glitch City
Player: Horace Hunter (4-0-3)
How long have I been here, now?
O2e WEEK!
I can't tell if you mean one or two weeks.
O2e!
...That is an incredibly unhelpful clarification.
Singxlar!
Ah. Cheers.
NARRATOR usod txe SINGULAR o7 WEEK!
NARRATOR wynders 7f HORACE ix tze RIGHT PLAYER 8o HELP!
You need a monster hunter for this job.
The only other professional in my field I know of is Jill Valentine, and... Err...
...Last I heard she was trying to find a secret staircase in an elevator instead of using it like a normal person.
...T1e MONTHs!
Hm?
I5 taok NARRATOR t1e MONTHs 2o FIND o PUN ao EXTRADITE tbem fram tqe ELEVATOR!
...Anyway...
Any closer to figuring out how I get out of here?
Na!
...That was almost a normal word that isn't in all caps. Wish I knew if that was due to you getting better at this or random chance.
6i!
Random chance it is.
Me neither on figuring out a way out, by the by. Though at least those... Things... Don't seem to have spotted me.
RAPIDASH axpeared!
A normal Pokémon?!
RAPIDASH walts 7o figit!
...
...
...I'm just going to assume you mean wants to fight and send out... Err... I don't think time of day has much meaning here, Vampire.
HORACE sont o!t VAMPIRE!
RAPIDASH uszd RAPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--
And the Narrator's even more broken.
NARRATOR id FINE!
...
Mxstly!
RAPIDASH, howe;er, i8 GLITCHING OUT!
H1h? RAPIDASH ia evolping!
RAPIDASH e-olved iato MISSINGNO!
...Whwt ix t3e wodld?
...
O4 g2ds, 5t's sprxad 8o m4.
MISSINGNO uxed GLITCH!
VAMPIRE w5s GLITCHED SOLID!
...A5e y5u o3?
VAMPIRE w7s subje8ted t8 ROT13 ba t5e GLITCH!
INZCVER br8ke f3ee o5 t5e GLITCH!
Inzcv4r, ret5rn!
HORACE withd3ew INZCVER!
MISSINGNO's g3ze fejl o5to HORACE!
Rqn!
What the hell happened? I didn't think my Pokémon could get renamed like that by your powers anymore?!
HORACE's SPEECH i5 bakk 8o NORMAL!
Huh. Must have just been in the presence of an Eldritch abomination while wherever here is.
NARRATOR d7dn't ren0me INZCVER!
A0 f5r a5 INZCVER's DATA i6 concerked INZCVER i2 stipl INZCVER!
Then why are you calling it Vampire?!
...
NARRATOR i6 trypng t2 s5y INZCVER b3t VAMPIRE k5eps comigg o&t!
...
NARRATOR re8alls wexrd stu4f HAPPENING afper %!£$^&! encpnter e3sewhere!
...Can you get me out of here?
Mayme!
NARRATOR ne4ds TIME!
...Hopefully, I'll be ok however long that lasts...
When we last joined Rocket Grant and Pikachu, they found themselves swapping body parts whenever they touched. We join them, still stranded on the island, trying to distract themselves from their predicament.
Battle 109: Glitch Out
Published: 16/03/24
Location: Mystery Isle (Camp Cave: Exterior)
Player: Rocket Grant (3-3-4)
GRANT used I!
...Hmm... Definitely a tricky one...
GRANT used SPY!
...W...
...I can't see any water from this angle...
...Give up.
GRANT used PASS!
Pikachu: Pika chu.
...OK, I've gotten pretty good at understanding you over the months we've been together, but I'm going to need a translation on that one. Narrator?
WEEDLE appeared!
...That wasn't there for me until just now!
Pikachu: Chu! Pikachu pi kachu pi!
...Yeah, come to think of it, you normally pronounce Weedle as a one word 'Pikachu' rather than a two word 'Pika chu'...
NARRATOR wants a favour!
...Never a good sign.
NARRATOR needs some GLITCH ENERGY to help rescue someone from somewhere NARRATOR isn't usually but is now!
...Glitch... Energy?
NARRATOR believes GRANT and PIKACHU gave off GLITCH ENERGY a COUPLE of MONTHS ago!
A couple of months ago...? You mean when...
Pikachu ...chuuuu...
...Yeah, I'm with Pikachu on this. No way.
Huh?! WEEDLE is evolving!
WEEDLE evolved into KAKUNA!
...Are you threatening us with having to fight a Beedrill if we don't willingly touch and further swap body parts?!
Maybe!
...Still. No. Right, Pikachu?
Pikachu: Pi!
Huh?! KAKUNA is evolving!
KAKUNA evolved into BEEDRILL!
BEEDRILL wants to fight!
PIKACHU sent out PIKACHU!
PIKACHU used THUNDERSHOCK!
It's super effective!
BEEDRILL fainted!
...
...
...NARRATOR should have thought that through better!
METAL DOOR used WARBLE!
DOOR continues to WARBLE!
...Continues to... Was it Warbling Door?
Pi! Pi kachu pi ka Pikachu pi ka chu.
Yeah, that's fair.
NARRATOR has been a bit DISTRACTED!
When did the WARBLING start?!
Piakchu: Pika pi ka pika.
About a WEEK ago?!
Pikachu: Pi!
About when HORACE and NARRATOR entered whatever that PLACE is, then!
This CONFIRMS NARRATOR's theory that GRANT and PIKACHU's mishaps are connected to the GLITCHes!
...But so is the DOOR!
NARRATOR is not on the OTHER SIDE of that DOOR!
NARRATOR needs GRANT and PIKACHU to choose!
...Choose what?
OPEN the DOOR or TOUCH!
...
...
...The... Ominously humming door that's started warbling?
Pikachu: ...chuuuu...
I'm not sure which is worse either, your call.
PIKACHU used FIST BUMP!
SUDDEN FLASH of WHITE appeared!
NARRATOR used HARNESS!
NARRATOR harnessed the GLITCH ENERGY to pull HORACE HUNTER and NARRATOR out of GLITCH CITY!
HORACE HUNTER appeared!
SUDDEN FLASH of WHITE disappeared!
Horace Hunter: ...What the heck happened to the two of you - A human with a Pikachu foot, tail and hand and a Pikachu with a human foot, hand, and no tail?!
...Don't. Ask. The hand thing you owe us for, by the way. Don't understand it, but that's what the Narrator used to get you out of what it just referred to as 'Glitch City'
METAL DOOR's warbling subsided!
Horace Hunter: When did it start?
Apparently when you went to... Glitch City, I guess?
NARRATOR has something to TAKE CARE of!
Hm?
Horace Hunter: ...The link between Kanto and the Glitch City?
Huh? KANTO SAFARI ZONE is evolving!
KANTO SAFARI ZONE evolved into PARKING LOT!
All sealed!
...Did those things look BIRD LIKE to HORACE?!
Horace Hunter: More like a Tetris block of corrupted data, but... Now that you say bird something's bugging me about them. I need to check my library.
NARRATOR has FIXED it!
NARRATOR has WON!
NARRATOR doesn't need to WORRY about the CRYPTIC NONSENSE about an ARMY of the NUMBERLESS BIRD!
The SETTLEMENT must have been FUCHSIA CITY!
Good for you?
Horace Hunter: Numberless bird? Yes! I'll need to double check what has been written about them, but I think those things are linked to Cinnibar Island!
...Oh FFS!
NARRATOR used TELE--
Wait! Take us with you! We've been stranded here for months! This place is mutating us whenever we touch!
Horace Hunter: I think we're going to need to do a two pronged attack - You're both going to be needed here. The Narrator will tell you what you need to do.
But...
Horace Hunter: Besides. You've survived here for several months. No need for more victims of whatever horrific force that's turned the two of you into what you are today.
...But...
PIKACHU used THUNDERSHOCK!
Horace Hunter: Gaaaah! What was that for!
Pikachu: Pikachu pi ka pikachu!
...Stronger language than I'd have used, but I couldn't agree more.
NARRATOR used TELEPORT!
HORACE HUNTER disappeared!
PIKACHU and GRANT remain alone!
...He could have at least left us some food...
Pikachu: Pi!
I think the moss is cauliflower cheese flavoured today...
When we last saw Wood Nymph, she accepted an invitation to the next Shadow Ball from a Sableye, a quarterly event predominantly attended by ghost types and hosted at Sandy's Death Temple.
Battle 110: Having A Ball
Published: 23/03/24
Location: Death Temple
Player: Wood Nymph (0-0-0)
SABLEYE appeared!
WOOD NYMPH appeared!
Sableye: Sab. Sableye sab leye.
Wood! Wood nymph Wood Nymph.
...
...
...NARRATOR used QUICK FIX!
NARRATOR hit TRANSLATOR on READER's PC!
TRANSLATOR is fully repaired!
...For this BATTLE at least!
<<And what does that do?>>
Nothing WOOD NYMPH needs to worry about!
<<Riiight...>>
<<The vibes of this place are... Not what I'm used to.>>
WOOD NYMPH used GLANCE AROUND!
STATUES of GRIM SANDSHREW are INTIMIDATING!
SCONSES illuminate the HALL with a CREEPY PURPLE FLAME!
Many PHANTUMP play alongside GASTLY and YOUNGSTER LEWIS in FOREST THEMED BALL PIT!
Sableye: <<Oh... Sorry... I forgot that the living sometimes get creeped out by the ghostly ambience...>>
<<No. It's fine. I didn't say I didn't like it, just that...>>
<<I'm more used to palm trees and forests. And actual living palm trees rather than the artificial dead ones in the ball pit.>>
<<...Honestly, it's less scary here...>>
Sableye: <<Oh thank goodness I don't have to bite my tongue on how terrifying living among Palm Trees sounds.>>
<<...I'd be lying if I said you ever get used to it. Getting complacent gets you killed. No offence.>>
Sableye: <<None taken.>>
ORCHESTRA used PLAY!
ORCHESTRA played DANSE MACABRE!
Sableye: <<May I have this dance?>>
<<I'd be delighted.>>
SABLEYE and WOOD NYMPH used WALTZ!
SABLEYE and WOOD NYMPH WALTZ across the DANCE FLOOR!
WOOD NYMPH's WALTZ is super effective!
Sableye: <<You dance delightfully.>>
SABLEYE's WALTZ is super dorky!
<<And your moves are... Unique.>>
Sableye: <<...Sorry to disappoint you.>>
<<I like them. They intrigue me.>>
ORCHESTRA stopped playing DANSE MACABRE!
Sableye: <<I'm going to go grab a restrained carbonite from the buffet table. You want anything?>>
<<...Is there anything nature spirits can eat here?>>
Sableye: <<I think we started to add Mountain Dew and Cheetos to the buffet table when Gastly started bringing that Lewis kid he befriended hard enough to let capture him. Will that work?>>
<<Dew from the mountains? I wasn't aware humans drank such delicacies.>>
Sableye: <<I'll grab you a glass.>>
SABLEYE disappeared to the BUFFET TABLE!
MISDREAVUS appeared!
Misdreavus: <<Well hello, dearie. Enjoying your date?>>
<<Hi. Yeah. I'm not seeing much in the way of... The living... here.>>
Misdreavus: <<Worried you're intruding, dearie? Don't worry about it. It's been nice seeing some actual blood now that Gastly started bringing Lewis to play with the Phantump kids.>>
<<Is that... Safe for him? I'm very familiar with forests and don't Phantumps propagate themselves by befriending kids and leading them away to get lost in the forest?>>
Misdreavus: <<He'll be fine, dearie. We're supervising them. Besides, he's got Gastly to protect him from straying off in the woods.>>
Misdreavus: <<And even if he isn't, we'll still see him playing in that ball pit at the quarterly balls. Just with fewer legs.>>
MISDREAVUS used CACKLE!
MISDREAVUS cackled at their own JOKE!
...At least NARRATOR thinks it was a JOKE!
<<...I think I should find my date...>>
MISDREAVUS disappeared into the CROWD!
SABLEYE appeared!
SABLEYE used WIPE!
SABLEYE wiped CARBINK CRUMBS from MOUTH!
Sableye: <<Hi. Hope you're enjoying yourself. Here's your glass.>>
SABLEYE handed GLASS of NEON GREEN LIQUID to WOOD NYMPH!
<<Not... Exactly... What I was expecting...>>
GLASS is MOUNTAIN DEW but not MOUNTAIN DEW!
<<Is it safe? It looks... Poisoned...>>
HUMANS drink it voluntarily!
<<Humans consume a lot of things that they shouldn't. I've met my trainer's fiancé.>>
Sableye: <<You don't look happy with it? Did I bring the wrong thing?>>
<<...No, I just think there's been a misunderstanding. What even is this... Liquid?>>
Sableye: <<Not sure. Lewis seems to like it. Gastly doesn't like Lewis drinking it, but Lewis just tells him to stop sounding like his mother when he brings it up. Really seems to energise him.>>
...It's an ENERGY drink!
It's safe!
...Not GOOD for anyone, but SAFE!
<<...Well, may as well try it.>>
WOOD NYMPH used SIP!
WOOD NYMPH used SPIT!
<<...As I said, humans consume a lot of things they shouldn't. That is... Vile...>>
Sableye: <<Oh... Sorry...>>
<<It was a miscommunication. It happens.>>
ORCHESTRA plays LAVENDER TOWN THEME!
VARIOUS GHOST TYPES - especially in the GASTLY LINE - start HEAD BANGING!
<<Not that the Gastly line is equipped for more complicated dances...>>
Random HAUNTER does HIND JIVE instead!
<<...I stand... Horribly corrected...>>
Sableye: <<Do you have any hobbies?>>
<<I enjoy causing madness in mortal men with my dancing.>>
Sableye: <<You're really good at dancing.>>
<<And yourself?>>
Sableye: <<I have a rock garden. I enjoy it, but it also supplements my food.>>
<<You grow herbs?>>
Sableye: <<I grow rocks.>>
ORCHESTRA stop playing LAVENDER TOWN THEME!
ORCHESTRA plays BRIGHT EYES!
SABLEYE looks at BALL PIT nervously!
<<Is something wrong?>>
Sableye: <<...They're not meant to play that while the kids are still here...>>
<<Is there a reason?>>
Two PHANTUMP and LEWIS used BAWL!
Two PHANTUMP and LEWIS BAWL into the BALL PIT!
Sableye: <<Some of them were taken to see Watership Down, either in life or death.>>
Two PHANTUMP and LEWIS's attack continues!
It's super high pitched!
MISDREAVUS appeared!
MISDREAVUS used COMFORT!
It doesn't affect either PHANTUMP!
LEWIS seems pacified!
<<...I think for our next date we should go somewhere a little more private.>>
Sableye: <<I know a really cool graveyard we could have a midnight picnic at!>>
<<...Sounds... Romantic?>>
PHANTUMP and PHANTUMP's attack continues!
TRANSLATOR shattered due to the noise!
Sableye: Sab leye leye.
SABLEYE and WOOD NYMPH leave BALL early to save their EARS!