Ben is off to save his brother from Joey - But there's just one problem he needs to address before he can do that. Joey has made it so that he's the only person allowed to wear shorts in Johto. What's a hater of long pants to do?
Battle 31: Skirting a Loophole
Published: 15/8/22
Location: Sand Saver Supermarket
Player: Youngster Ben (3-1-0)
...Too long...
...I think that pattern would give me a headache if I saw it in motion...
...Fabric feels bad against my skin...
...Way too short...
Heh. Too short? Never thought I'd say that about lower body wear.
Maybe this one...?
BEN is CLOTHES SHOPPING!
Am I taking so long that you feel the need to narrate the obvious? Sorry.
NARRATOR still isn't sure why BEN hasn't reached JOHTO yet!
Because I don't own any pants that they'd let me through the border wearing now that Joey's banned anyone but himself from wearing shorts, so I need to buy a few skirts before I can go?
...And a Pokéball holster, none of these things have pockets...
And BEN doesn't just go the QUICKER route of pikcing up LONG PANTS equivalents of the SHORTS they're currently wearing because...?!
No. Absolutely not. No way.
Not having fabric below my knees.
BEN used SHUDDER!
BEN seems to be paralyzed, they may not attack!
Just... Fabric touching the calf is so... Uncomfortable...
Why do you think I just put on thicker jumpers when it's snowing?
OK. I think that's enough for now. Just need to head to the dressing room to try them on...
Time: 5 minutes later
...And they fit. Awesome. Now to checkout.
BEN joined QUEUE!
Time: 5 minutes later
CHECKOUT ASSISTANT appeared!
Wow. By Sand Saver standards that was quick.
BEN used PAY!
CASH REGISTER appeared!
...That's... Not a good sign...
CASH REGISTER wants to fight!
...Yeah. Figures.
CHECKOUT ASSISTANT used APOLOGETIC SHRUG!
Do we have space here or are we--
SECURITY appeared!
SECURITY directs BEN to CONVENIENT in-store ARENA!
Thought as much.
CASH REGISTER sent out CASH REGISTER!
It's been too long since I had the opportunity to send you out, Arbok, so let's do this!
BEN sent out ARBOK!
CASH REGISTER used PAY DAY!
But neither BEN nor ARBOK have jobs!
It doesn't affect BEN or ARBOK!
Try a wrap!
ARBOK used WRAP!
ARBOK put CASH REGISTER in WRAPPING PAPER!
It's a super awkward object to wrap!
CASH REGISTER used TILL OPEN!
CASH REGISTER tore PAPER!
PAPER fainted!
ARBOK's morale sharply fell!
Don't worry about it, you can patch up the hole later.
I do that all the time when I'm wrapping... Anything...
No one ever says anything about it even though I know they notice!
Try toxic.
ARBOK used TOXIC!
ARBOK sang pop music!
It's super catchy!
...I don't recognize this...?
BEN should ask their MOTHER!
CASH REGISTER sang along!
But CASH REGISTER belongs to SAND SAVERS!
SAND SAVERS owes royalties!
STORE MANAGER appeared!
STORE MANAGER broke up BATTLE!
BATTLE ended in a draw!
...Err...?
STORE MANAGER is trying to shut CASH REGISTER up!
Err... Arbok, return?
BEN withdrew ARBOK!
STORE MANAGER tries to get BEN out of the store!
The cash register hasn't actually eaten my money yet...
STORE MANAGER used BASEBALL BAT!
...eep...
CASH REGISTER fainted!
SAND SAVERS stopped syphoning cash in royalties!
...So how do I... Pay for this stuff now that the cash register fainted?
Store Manager: Any goods that a customer was trying to pay for when a cash register decided to fight customers are covered in our Narrator insurance.
...And the baseball bat to the cash register?
Store Manager: Store equipment playing copyrighted music, however, isn't.
...Huh.
Ben, now with a slight wardrobe adjustment, has made it to Johto Sand Castle, which Joey has made his base of operations. Unfortunately for Ben, Joey actually thought to hire protection.
Battle 32: Guardians of the Sand Castle
Published: 16/8/22
Location: Johto Sand Castle (Exterior)
Player: Youngster Ben (3-1-1)
So this is Joey's seat of power, huh?
Still not sure how a kid like me could have taken over an entire region...
GUARDS IAN appeared!
Ian, huh? How's it going?
No one called IAN is here!
But you said that Ian just appeared!
IAN did not just appear!
GUARDS IAN appeared!
See, there are two Ians here now!
...Err...
...Several lines ago!
...Sorry, could you run this by me again? Are there zero, one or two people called Ian here?
Zero!
...But you Narrated Ian appearing twice?
NARRATOR did not!
Then what did you narrate appearing?!
GUARDS IAN!
...But you said you didn't narrate Ian appearing!
NARRATOR did not!
You totally did say that you didn't Narrate Ian appearing.
Exactly!
See, so you did Narrate that Ian didn't appear but then just said you Narrated Ian appearing!
GUARDS IAN appeared!
GUARDS IAN did not!
...Several lines before several lines ago!
Wait, Guards Ian, not just Guard Ian? How many guards called Ian appeared, and how many guards called Ian didn't appear?
NO GUARDS called IAN appeared!
EVERY GUARD called IAN didn't appear!
Then what appeared?!
GUARDS IAN!
This is getting nowhere!
How many guards appeared?
Three!
And what are they called?
IAN!
So three guards called Ian appeared?
No!
How many of them are called Ian, then?
None!
But you just said they were called Ian!
NARRATOR did not!
Then what are they called?!
IAN!
But you just said they weren't!
GUARDS are IAN, not IAN!
You just said they were Ian but not Ian!
NARRATOR did not!
Then what did you say?
GUARDS are IAN!
GUARDS are, however, not IAN!
But those are mutually contradictory statements!
None of GUARDS IAN are called IAN!
Then what are they called?
IAN!
But you just said they weren't called Ian.
None of GUARDS IAN are called IAN!
Then why do you keep telling me they're called Ian?
NARRATOR does not!
Let's try this again. How many guards appeared?
Three!
What's the first called?
I!
...I?
Aye!
...The other two are A and N, aren't they?
Yes!
...I hate you sometimes. Commas exist!
NARRATOR isn't the biggest fan of COMMAS!
NARRATOR prefers EXCLAMATION MARKS!
Yes, well, I'm pretty sure the whole Version knows how much you like those.
GUARDS IAN are looking in BEN's direction!
Sorry. I'm looking for an audience with Joey, I guess?
GUARDS IAN want to fight!
So much for getting in quietly.
GUARD I sent out GUARD I!
GUARD A sent out GUARD A!
GUARD N sent out GUARD N!
Well if they're sending out all three of themselves at once, I don't see why I should be limited to just one Pokémon. Raticate, Arbok, Door, go!
BEN sent out RATICATE!
BEN sent out ARBOK!
BEN sent out DOOR!
Door, use finger trap, Arbok a poison sting, Ratticate, bite.
GUARD I used SPY!
ARBOK used POISON STING!
GUARD I spied the STING going into their EYE!
Critical hit!
GUARD I is poisoned!
GUARD A used Gouda!
RATICATE used BITE!
RATICATE bit into the cheese!
But RATICATE is already at full health!
GUARD N used Garden!
DOOR used FINGER TRAP!
GUARD N's finger was TRAPPED by WEEDS!
OK, I think if we concentrate on Guard A for now? Ratticate, try a gnaw; Arbok, use a wrap, Door use your slam.
GUARD I was hurt by poison!
GUARD I fainted!
ARBOK used WRAP!
ARBOK gave an educational RAP about the letter W!
It's super cringy!
Everyone in vicinity was hurt by second hand embarrassment!
...Shame I have more Pokémon on the field than the enemy team does...
GUARD A used DA!
RATTICATE used GNAW!
GUARD A is RATTICATE's father? GNAW!
GUARD A wanted a fuzzy child!
GUARD A's morale greatly fell!
GUARD N used PULL!
GUARD N pulled a muscle!
DOOR used SLAM
DOOR insulted GUARD A!
GUARD A's morale greatly fell!
GUARD A has hit rock bottom!
GUARD A fainted
So... Three on one in my favour now, huh?
GUARD N looks around!
GUARD N is not being paid enough for this!
GUARD N ran away!
BEN wins!
Awesome work, everyone. I don't think this next part's going to be so easy, though...
Ben made it through the Guards I, A, and N to break into Johto Sand Castle to rescue his brother from Dictator Joey.
Battle 33: To be a Master
Published: 17/08/22
Location: Johto Sand Castle (Interior)
Player: Youngster Ben (4-1-1)
I just need to figure out where Joey is so I can get my brother back...
DICTATOR JOEY appeared!
There you are! Give me my brother back!
JOEY used SIP!
JOEY sipped TIZER from GLASS!
Dictator Joey: ...Who even are you?
Ben. A youngster from Kanto. You caught my big brother!
Dictator Joey: I thought I caused every youngster in the region to devolve when I banned shorts for everyone but myself?
...Yeah. Well. I outsmarted your fashion dictate.
Dictator Joey: ...I...
Dictator Joey: ...Huh. A short skirt?
It's comfy and gives me pocket anxiety.
Dictator Joey: ...Honestly, I have more respect for you than everyone here who switched to long pants...
We seem to have gotten sidetracked. Give me back my brother!
Dictator Joey: Who was your big brother, again?
Jacob.
Dictator Joey: Oh. The guy I need to send out when I want to send out my Bidoof?
Dictator Joey: He was worried that I was going to make things worse between me and my Rattata by trying to become a stronger trainer to make up with my top percentage traitor.
JOEY used SIP!
JOEY sipped TIZER from GLASS!
Top percentage traitor? What?
Dictator Joey: He thought I was a pathetic trainer, only good enough for cheese. And look at me now, an outright Pokémon Master, with an entire region at my beck and call.
Dictator Joey: He never did respect me, even after I evolved...
...Past tense?
Dictator Joey: He pretended to be my best friend until a finger nailed the truth down, and then no matter how many other Pokémon I caught, even after I came to rule Johto, he still didn't respect me.
...
...
...You... Caught humans and conquered Johto because you had a falling out with your best friend?!
Dictator Joey: ...The catching humans part was an accident...
...So you release the person you caught accidentally!
Dictator Joey: The fact he was catchable meant he was a Pokémon, and you have to catch Pokémon to become a Master. And I needed to become a Master to get my friend back.
JOEY used SIP!
JOEY sipped TIZER from GLASS!
...And how'd that go for you?
Dictator Joey: Nothing I was able to do made it up to him, so I killed him like the traitorous rat he was.
You murdered your own Pokémon?!
What the heck is wrong with you?!
Dictator Joey: He started it!
...
You're 8!
Falling out with your best friend is just part of being 8!
You're mad at each other for a couple of days, maybe a few weeks if the fallout was the result of something that caused a broken bone, and then make up!
You don't take over the region to prove you're good enough and when that inevitably fails commit Pokécide!
Dictator Joey: You don't know the first thing about me!
You just told me everything I need to know about you!
You became a monster because of normal childhood nonsense!
Meanwhile, my best friend was stolen by the mob, and then some whiny idiot used falling out with his best friend as an excuse to kidnap my brother when he was on his way to help me rescue him!
And somehow, despite my problems being more serious than the normal childhood nonsense, I still had the presence of mind to release the thief who stole my snake when I accidentally caught him while trying to recatch my snake!
Dictator Joey: ...You dare disrespect me like this?!
Disrespecting you? I'm giving you far more respect than you deserve. You're the only person I've ever met who doesn't deserve to wear shorts!
And that includes the thief who stole my Ekans!
What did your... Rattata? Raticate? say to you before you killed him? Did he call you pathetic? Tell you you suck? If so, he was being far too respectful to you, too.
Dictator Joey: ...
What did you do with the corpse? Doubt someone as monstrous as you would have even given your best friend a decent burial!
Dictator Joey: FORMER best friend!
Dictator Joey: I still have him around.
JOEY used SIP!
JOEY sipped TIZER out of GLASS!
Why do you mean, around?!
BEN used NOTICE!
BEN noticed TAXIDERMY RATICATE in CORNER!
It's super creepy!
...You had your best friend stuffed?! What the heck's wrong with you?!
Dictator Joey: FORMER! FORMER best friend!
Yeah. Sure. Former. That's why you're getting so worked up about me calling him your best friend. Jerkwad.
You killed your best friend and favourite Pokémon. And now you're pretending to have hated him to stop yourself from thinking about what you did, despite resorting to having him stuffed to keep him around.
...Seriously couldn't you have thought of something that wouldn't permanently fix it into a parody of life, it's been creeping me out since I saw it...
Dictator Joey: ...My favourite Pokémon, huh?
Dictator Joey: What is mon?
Dictator Joey: A miserable little pile of secrets.
JOEY used GLASS SMASH!
JOEY smashed GLASS on FLOOR!
CARPET was stained RED with TIZER!
Dictator Joey: But enough talk...
Dictator Joey: Have at you.
JOEY wants to fight!
Arbok, go!
BEN sent out ARBOK!
JOEY sent out BUTTERFREE!
JOEY threw a POKéBALL!
Wow, not even bothering to pre--
BEN became trapped in the POKéBALL!
Press A rapidly to escape!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Aww, they appeared to be caught!
Don't you even know how to catch a Pokémon? Weaken them or cause status effects, if you don't convince them to join you instead of battling them properly.
But I guess someone who's pathetic enough to kill his best friend would have to rely on cheating, like only catching Pokémon who don't know they're Pokémon.
Dictator Joey: FORMER! Best. Friend. Why is that so hard for you to get into your thick skull?!
Nah. The fact you had him killed because you couldn't make up with him means you cared about him far too much for either of us to really believe that.
You murdered your best friend in cold blood, and I'm not going to shut up about that until this is over.
Maybe not even then. If you survive our little encounter, maybe I'll send you a card each year.
"Hey, Joey. How's your pathetic little ass doing? Remember how you murdered your best friend? Come to terms with that yet or are you still pretending you hated him?"
That'll be a nice treat for you to receive on your birthday, won't it?
Arbok, try a wrap.
ARBOK used WRAP!
ARBOK wrapped itself up in a blanket waiting for the chattering to stop!
Dictator Joey: I suppose you're right about one thing.
...About how pathetic you are? I'm not going to brag about that, pretty sure that's obvious to everyone.
Dictator Joey: No!
Dictator Joey: I suppose I am a bit of a cheat. After all, I have access to every resource of Johto, so I got myself a couple of these beauties. Just in case someone resisted their capture.
...Huh?
JOEY threw a MASTER BALL!
A what now?
BEN became trapped in the MASTER BALL!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
No escape from a MASTER BALL!
BEN was caught!
ARBOK was recalled!
Ben challenged Joey to a battle but was captured by Joey inside a Master Ball before the battle could really get properly started. Can he escape?
Battle 34: Stealing Oneself for Battle
Published: 18/08/22
Location: Dictator Joey's Pocket
Player: Youngster Ben (4-2-1)
...This isn't the most comfortable of living arrangements.
But I think it's been long enough to regain the element of surprise.
Time for Plan B, then.
...I hope this works.
BEN hit themself with a SNAG BALL!
YOUNGSTER BEN was stolen!
...By YOUNGSTER BEN!
Awesome!
MASTER BALL disintegrated!
...Why am I still in a cramped metal orb?
BEN is inside their SNAG BALL!
...I...
...Go, me?
BEN sent out BEN!
Location: Johto Sand Castle (Interior)
DICTATOR JOEY appeared!
...Underneath BEN!
JOEY and BEN used collapse!
JOEY and BEN are collapsed in a heap together!
...
Dictator Joey: ...
...Hi?
Dictator Joey: Get off of me you asshole!
Dictator Joey: How'd you even get out of your ball without me sending you out?
Oh, I'm not your Pokémon anymore, jerkface.
Dictator Joey: Escaping a Master Ball is impossible!
I didn't. I stole myself.
Dictator Joey: What does that even mean?
Dictator Joey: And how's that going to look in the Sandy Dex?
RECORD KEEPER used WEEP!
RECORD KEEPER wishes they were a WEEPINBELL instead!
Never you mind. Now give me my brother back!
Dictator Joey: Not a chance. Now get off me so we can fight!
I'm comfy here.
BEN used NOSE PUNCH!
...But BEN isn't currently engaged in a BATTLE!
No effect!
Really, you're going to make me do this properly? Fine!
BEN used STAND!
BEN very deliberately AIMED where to get LEVERAGE!
Dictator Joey: Aaaaaarrrrrrgh!
I'd apologise but...
A, you wouldn't have believed it was an accident even if the Narrator hadn't announced I was being deliberate, and, b...
You deserved it.
DICTATOR JOEY wants to fight!
JOEY sent out BUTTERFREE!
Resuming where we left off? Fine by me. Arbok, go!
BEN sent out ARBOK!
JOEY threw a MASTER BALL!
...Well since nothing on the field isn't owned that shouldn't--
BEN caught MASTER BALL with their face!
Ow!
But YOUNGSTER BEN already is owned by YOUNGSTER BEN!
MASTER BALL was lost!
Still smarts, though...
Arbok, try a toxic.
ARBOK used TOXIC!
ARBOK cusses out BUTTERFREE!
BUTTERFREE's morale harshly fell!
...Not... Exactly what I'd had in mind, but I guess that works?
BUTTERFREE used PSYBEAM!
BUTTERFREE's morale is too low to be able to BEAM!
BUTTERFREE can only SIGH!
...OK, I think that worked out for us. Try a crunch?
ARBOK used CRUNCH!
ARBOK forced BUTTERFREE to work punishingly long hours!
BUTTERFREE's morale was already super low!
BUTTERFREE fainted from stress!
...Err... Right. Great job Arbok!
...I think...
JOEY sent out YOUNGSTER MIKEY!
MIKEY sent out PIDGEOTTO!
So my big brother isn't the only human you caught!
Aim it right, don't want to catch the bird...
BEN threw a SNAG BALL!
BEN stole MIKEY!
PIDGEOTTO was recalled!
JOEY sent out GRINDSTONE!
OK, I'm going to release Mikey!
BEN released MIKEY!
YOUNGSTER MIKEY ran away!
...Ready to give me back my brother yet?
GRINDSTONE used ROLLOUT!
...Clearly not.
GRINDSTONE rolled out a new strain of ANTI-VENOM!
ARBOK is a VENOMOUS SNAKE!
ARBOK fainted!
Hm. Door, let's see what you can do here.
BEN sent out DOOR!
Door, I think it's some kind of machine? Try a wedge attack!
DOOR used WEDGE!
DOOR wedged itself in GRINDSTONE!
GRINDSTONE came to a sputtering stop!
DOOR was sanded down!
GRINDSTONE fainted!
DOOR fainted!
Raticate, it's up to you.
Dictator Joey: You should be careful with those. They can't be trusted.
We've been over this. You're just a bad trainer and a worse friend.
JOEY sent out BIG BROTHER JACOB!
JACOB sent out BIDOOF!
Jacob!
Aiming carefully and throwing another Snag ball at Jacob...
BEN threw a SNAG BALL!
BEN stole JACOB!
JOEY sent out JOHTO DEED!
Huh, is that how you took over Johto?
Releasing Jacob.
BEN released JACOB!
JACOB cowers in a corner!
Dictator Joey: Heh. No reason why I can't...
JOEY threw a MASTER BALL!
I thought we--
...At JACOB!
Oh no you don't!
BEN blocked the ball!
...With their face!
...ow...
MASTER BALL disappeared!
JOEY is out of MASTER BALLS!
...I probably should...
BEN threw a SNAG BALL!
BEN stole JOHTO DEED!
Huh? DICTATOR JOEY is devolving!
...Wait wouldn't that mean...
DICTATOR JOEY devolved into YOUNGSTER JOEY!
Err... What was it that stopped evolution?
What? YOUNGSTER BEN is evolving!
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB
Huh? YOUNGSTER BEN stopped evolving!
JOEY sent out JOEY!
Better release that before it tries to evolve me again...
BEN released JOHTO DEED!
JOHTO DEED ran away!
JOEY used RAT PUNT!
JOEY booted RATICATE!
So it wasn't the evolution that turned you into a monster.
Good to know. Nasty way to find out, but good to know.
RATICATE kept going and crashed!
...Into WALL!
RATICATE fainted!
BEN sent out BEN!
As I was saying earlier, nose punch!
BEN used NOSE PUNCH!
BEN gave JOEY a large glass of PUNCH!
...What happened to the nose part of that attack?
Via JOEY's NOSE!
JOEY is in critical condition!
...I could probably catch you now, you know.
I could probably even convince myself that you deserve it.
But...
BEN looked at JACOB!
...I don't want my brother to have a reminder of what he went through every time he looks at me.
Youngster Joey: The Narrator isn't a fan of chit-chat during battles.
JOEY used LOW KICK!
JOEY kicked BEN below the belt!
Aaaarrrrgh.
Guess that was for what I did at the start, huh?
BEN is in critical condition!
BEN used TACKLE!
JOEY used GRAPPLE!
BEN and JOEY are WRESTLING each other on the GROUND for VICTORY!
Stay down you asswipe!
Youngster Joey: Why don't you just faint already, loser!
YOUNGSTER fainted!
YOUNGSTER on top of fainted YOUNGSTER makes it difficult to tell which!
...
...
...You're seriously... playing around... at a time like this?
YOUNGSTER BEN wins!
Were you just... waiting to see... which of us talked first... or had I... always won?
Never have been... able to figure that out... when you do... that sort of thing.
NARRATOR isn't telling!
Just need to... get my breath back...
BEN sits down next to JACOB to recover!
Ben has defeated Joey and liberated both his brother and Johto from the former Dictator. Now all that remains is the epilogue.
Battle 35: Epilogues and Portents
Published: 19/08/22
Location: Johto Sand Castle (Interior)
Player: Youngster Ben (5-2-1)
OK. That's everyone healed up. And it's nice to be able to wear shorts again. The actual pockets are comforting.
BIG BRO JACOB is looking worriedly at BEN's POKéBALLS!
...Physically, at least...
BEN used STORE!
BEN stashed POKéBALLS in BAG!
JACOB handed BEN their BIDOOF and PHONE's POKéBALLS for SAFE KEEPING!
...That bad, huh?
BEN put JACOB's POKéBALLS in BAG!
JACOB looks less anxious!
Still not sure what I should do about him, though...
YOUNGSTER JOEY lies fainted on FLOOR!
...If I don't do this he's just going to do the exact same thing again...
BEN used STEAL!
Could we please call it something less... Rocketesque?
BEN used CONFISCATE?!
...That'll do, I guess.
BEN stuffed JOEY's empty POKEéBALLs in BAG!
...But even then it might only be a temporary solution...
BEN sees TAXIDERMY RATICATE in the corner!
...
...I... Probably shouldn't leave any Pokémon in his care, considering I'm pretty sure he killed his favourite...
BEN used STE--
...Please can we not?
BEN used REHOME!
BEN rehomed JOEY's full POKéBALLS into BAG!
...That's... Better...
...I think...
...Actually...
Jacob, you keep trying to get me to wear long pants in winter, you don't happen to have a pair on you, do you?
Big Bro Jacob: ...Huh? Yeah. Here...
Cheers. He's the only person I've ever met who doesn't deserve to wear shorts.
BEN used CHANGE
BEN changed JOEY's SHORTs for LONG PANTS!
Huh? YOUNGSTER JOEY is devolving!
YOUNGSTER JOEY devolved into JOEY!
...And you can call this one what it is without euphemisms, by the by...
BEN used STEAL!
BEN stole all of JOEY's SHORTS!
Big Brother Jacob: ...That...
Big Brother Jacob: ...Somehow means a lot from you...
BEN used ESCORT!
BEN helped JACOB move to a new LOCATION!
Player: Joey (7-1-0)
JOEY is fainted no more!
...I... Lost.
JOEY did!
I suppose I should be grateful that the jerkface who dethroned me didn't kill me...
JOEY used STAND!
But JOEY is unused to LONG PANTS!
JOEY used TRIP instead!
What do you mean lo--
...WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WEARING THIS MONSTROSITY UNTO CLOTHING?!
NARRATOR is not meant to ANSWER that sort of question!
Yeah but you bend the rules sometimes...
NARRATOR... OK, yeah!
...He did this to me when I was fainted, didn't he?!
Yes!
...My pockets feel li-- Did he steal my Pokémon and empty Pokéballs as well?
Yes!
...Actually that makes sense, I probably would have just started again from square one if I still had--
JOEY used LOOK!
JOEY saw TAXIDERMY RATICATE!
...
...Square zero, I don't even have my...
...Gosh darn it, he was right about me still caring about Raticate and what he thought about me...
...Even when I...
...
...Rattata was right about me all along...
...I really do suck...
Location: Johto Sand Castle (Exterior)
Player: Youngster Ben (5-2-1)
...
...He's just going to start again when he comes too, isn't he...
Hey. Jacob. Could you take a seat for a few? I need to talk to Raticate about... Something.
Big Bro Jacob: ...Yeah... Sure...
JACOB used SIT!
JACOB doesn't look COMFORTABLE!
Better make this quick, then.
Raticate, go!
BEN sent out RATICATE!
Hey, bud. How's it going?
RATICATE appreciates the chat but THINKS BEN probably has more PRESSING CONCERNS
JACOB is FIDGETING NERVOUSLY!
Yeah. It's just that the kid inside there, that we were fighting before. The one who kicked you into a wall?
He's the one who caught my brother. He... He also killed one of his Pokémon, based on what he said, I think deliberately.
And I really don't know what to do.
RATICATE nods slowly!
I also don't think Jacob's going to be comfortable around anyone, or any Pokémon, who... Does anything like what he's done...
But... With what the Pokémon he killed was... I think it needs to be you who figures out what to do about this.
I'd leave it to adults but... Well... The only one who did anything about it just gave me permission to deal with it, so, clearly they're useless...
RATICATE used HUG!
...Huh?
RATICATE will deal with JOEY!
...
Thanks, bud.
You know this means we can't... Hang out... Any more?
RATICATE used HUG!
RATICATE hugged BEN goodbye!
I'll miss you too.
Love you.
BEN released RATICATE!
...Just in case you need it...
BEN slipped RATICATE a POKéBALL!
RATICATE went back inside!
Sorry about that. There's unfinished business in there that...
...That Raticate needs to take care of.
BEN used SIT!
BEN sat next to JACOB!
Big Brother Jacob: ...So are we... Waiting for it?
...I don't think Raticate's going to be able to come back after doing what it needs to do...
JACOB and BEN put arms around each other for COMFORT!
Location: Johto Sand Castle (Interior)
Player: Joey (7-1-0)
RATICATE appeared!
Stop trying to make me feel better, we both know Raticate's dead by my own...
...Heck, I didn't even have the guts to kill him myself...
RATICATE wasn't the only RATICATE in SANDY VERSION!
RATICATE is not RATICATE!
...Oh. I... Suppose you're here to avenge your fellow rat? Well, I'm here, I'm low on both hp and self worth right now, and even if I wasn't I'm really unused to wearing long pants so my mobility is compromised, so...
...I doubt there's ever been an easier target.
...Or one more deserving...
RATICATE pauses!
Hm?
RATICATE isn't sure what to do!
Well, if you happen to have a Pokéball you could catch me instead, but...
JOEY used GLANCE!
JOEY glanced at TAXIDERMY RATICATE!
Monsters like me don't get redemption arcs.
RATICATE holds POKéBALL!
...I thought I was joking about the Pokéball...
RATICATE hesitates!
Considering what I've done, I...
...I'd deserve either option...
...Probably worse...
RATICATE doesn't like either option!
Well, you can't just leave me free to go, who knows what I'll do as soon as I figure out how to move in these things?
RATICATE doesn't want to choose!
...Well eventually we'll both starve to death in here if you don't make a choice, since you're obviously not going to let me leave because I clearly can't be trusted with Pokémon.
Even I'm capable of seeing that.
And don't even think about forgiving me for what I did, all I did to you was kick you if you're the Raticate I think you are.
JOEY used REMEMBER!
JOEY remembered a COOL BUT USELESS DETAIL from a BOOK they read when trying to figure out how to CONQUER JOHTO!
Sure, sure, rub it in why don't you?
...But now that you mention it, yeah, there was something...
...Raticate, pass me that Pokéball.
RATICATE looks reluctant!
I'm not going to use it on you, I'm going to... Need it for something.
And I'm going to have to ask you to do something horrible to me, but as your friend would put it...
I deserve it.
RATICATE is still hesitant!
You have full hp, I'm low on health and can barely move. You can just bust out of the thing if I betray you and then that will remove any choice you have in how to deal with me.
RATICATE reluctantly hands over POKéBALL!
Excellent. Now... Time for me to grow up, dive into the depths of hell, and rescue my best friend from the fate I subjected him to.
...Maybe I'll even be able to salvage a bit of myself there as well. Doubt it.
I think the book said the portal back will open in the Forest of the Dead, which I think should be near the Undead Forest?
RATICATE isn't sure what JOEY is WHITTERING on about!
Oh. Right. Getting ahead of myself. Apparently, a portal between Sandy Version and Sandy's land of the dead opens every fifty official battles, when there's an official battle cycle underway which is currently the case.
You're going to kill me, and I'm going to ensure Raticate is in that portal home.
The Pokéball? Like he's going to trust his murderer to save him. Just in case I need to catch him again to convince him.
I don't know if I'm going to come back, but he sure as heck is.
Anyway, I want you to be in the forest of the dead in order to meet him because I can't imagine any sort of afterlife is going to be pleasant.
I mean... No Narrator to let you know what's going on, dictate the happenings of the universe? Infinite stasis...
JOEY used SHUDDER!
So... Now I'm prone, low on hp, immobilized by my pants, and I'm a willing target. I think it would be harder to miss the floor with a fall attack at this point.
That was ONE TIME!
And it was FUNNY!
Unlike whatever this CONVERSATION is!
Yeah. Hilarious. I had to sort of float to school for a week before anyone figured out how to get me down.
...Anyway!
RATICATE nods!
RATICATE wants to fight!
RATICATE set out RATICATE!
Give me what I deserve.
JOEY sent out JOEY
RATICATE used BITE!
JOEY fainted!
RATICATE used BITE!
JOEY died!
Location: Violet City Police Station
Player: Youngster Ben (5-2-1)
JACOB is anxious!
Big Bro Jacob: I don't want to spend longer in this city than I have to it's where... where...
JACOB's anxiety levels rose!
Sorry. Hey. I found this occupied Pokéball by a Taxidermy Raticate? I think the owner might have committed Pokécide, can I hand it in for someone to rehome or...?
Officer Jenny: Sounds like you've already rehomed it, now scram.
...Wait, what?
Officer Jenny: You heard me. We've just dealt with having a dictator for several weeks, but he's just vanished into thin air, you think I've time to worry about some Butterfree going missing?
...Right... I... Guess I've got a new Pokémon, then...?
Officer Jenny: No need to brag, just scram. Some of us have important work to be getting on with, like passing the buck for why the Johto Deed wasn't guarded in the first place.
Location: Rocket HQ
Player: Rocket Grant (1-0-0)
ROCKET RED appeared!
RED is filthy!
Honestly, losing a Pokémon you stole fair and square to the kid you nicked it off, I'm amazed you got off with Skuntank latrine duty.
Rocket Red: ...
But that's the thing about protagonists, isn't it? You lot may be silent as the grave, but you're all indestructible. No wonder the boss likes you.
Rocket Red: ...
Still haven't figured out what the boss wants with information on the proper usage of tildes, though. Or why he was so intent on having a protagonist on his side for this job to the point of giving away hundreds of thousands worth of gold to find one, mind.
Rocket Red: ...
Location: Ben's House (Exterior)
Player: Youngster Ben (5-2-1)
MUM BETH appeared!
Hi mum. We're... We're home.
BETH used HUG!
BEN and JACOB became TRAPPED in the HUG!
Mum Beth: Did you order a book while you were away?
...No? I haven't had time to worry about things like that, I've been rescuing Arbok and Jacob!
Mum Beth: Well one arrived for you. Probably one of the Narrator's little jokes.
...Yeah... Probably...
Mum Beth: That glitch with the Sandy Dex has been resolved. Jacob's no longer listed under Joey.
...Yeah... That...
Hey, can we chat about something while Jacob settles back into his bedroom? It's... It's important.
JACOB went inside!
Mum Beth: What is it, honey?
...I think Jacob's going to need... Help... With what he's been through...
Mum Beth: ...I... Don't think we can afford...
Sure we can. Pokémon get free healthcare.
Mum Beth: And last I checked, Jacob was a human, not a Pokémon.
That's... That's the other thing we need to talk about. Humans are Pokémon. That's how Jacob was captured - Joey caught him inside a Pokéball.
Mum Beth: I don't think this is the time for jokes, mister.
Fully agree, which is why I'm glad the Narrator's being quiet for once. Not joking. Had to use a special ball on myself to steal myself after Joey caught me.
Mum Beth: ...
...Do you trust me?
Mum Beth: You brought back my other baby... Yes...
OK, this is why I didn't want to have this discussion in front of Jacob, in case I needed to do this...
BEN threw a POKéBALL!
MUM BETH was caught!
And I'm going to immediately release her, obviously.
BEN released MUM BETH!
See?
Mum Beth: ...I... We're all Pokémon? But... That means...
Mum Beth: We can't tell this to anyone. There'd be chaos.
Agreed. And that's the third thing I needed to discuss...
Mum Beth: More?!
Jacob's been cooped up inside a Pokéball for weeks, and he's... Not keen on being around them at the moment, for obvious reasons.
Mum Beth: You can't just keep your Arbok, and my old Door, cooped up in their Pokéballs constantly!
Obviously not.
Mum Beth: ...You always wanted to keep them out of their balls in the house...
That's besides the point!
Mum Beth: ...
Mum Beth: ...I guess there isn't really any choice...
Love you too, Mum.
...I suppose I better take a look at that book in case it's actually important rather than the Narrator trying to coax me into dealing with stuff that adults should be doing instead.
...Again!
...Come to think of it that would be an again on both the Narrator trying to coax me into dealing with stuff that's way above my grade level, and me dealing with stuff that adults should be dealing with instead...
Location: Youngster Mikey's house
Player: Youngster Mikey (0-2-3)
...I... I'm home?
Mom Michelle: ...Where the hell have you been?
...Joey captured me...
Mom Michelle: ...The rat obsessed kid from next door? What on earth do you mean by capture? The only reason I haven't been worried sick is that whenever I asked Narrator your status you never had any status ailments.
He... He caught me in a Pokéball.
Mom Michelle: We both know only Pokémon can be caught in PokéBalls, so I don't know what you two have been playing...
I think he took control of Johto!
Mom Michelle: Sure he did. We were under a dictatorship for a few weeks, but I'm sure if it was a rat obsessed kid behind that it would have been stopped a lot quicker than it was.
Mom Michelle: When did he 'catch' you anyway?
...
...About a month ago, I think?
Mom Michelle: You disappeared on me a lot sooner than that, where were you before you got involved in a silly game with the rat kid?
...I... He hadn't been calling me to tell me about his Rattata and I got worried about him so I followed him around a bit...?
Mom Michelle: ...I see. Joey's fault again, then?
...
Mom Michelle: You really shouldn't blame him for everything. You're back now, you're... Clearly fine. You're not to go out outside of school until you've caught up on the 6 months or so of school work you're behind on.
Yes, Mom.
Location: Ben's bedroom
Player: Youngster Ben (5-2-1)
BEN looks at SPECIFIC BOOK!
...You really want me to read this thing right now, don't you?
NARRATOR wants to NARRATE!
...Heh. Adults may fall for that, but... We both know there's more to you than just wanting that.
You at least want to crack bad jokes as well.
...And... Sometimes push things in specific directions.
NARRATOR just wants to NARRATE!
Sure. OK. I'll read the... Book on the origins of Pokéballs?
...I... Was expecting something relating to that bizarre dossier you showed me.
NARRATOR did not show BEN anything!
NARRATOR NARRATED what BEN saw!
Yeah, yeah...
BEN used READ!
BEN read about POKéBALLS and how they're based around FULL STOPS!
...The perfect end of a sentence, round and pure. Bring a thought to a close neatly and quietly, suspending it until the next thought brings it out...
As Pokéballs become more like a full stop, they become more powerful, hence the great, ultra and even master ball, which is distilled from a pure full stop.
It is... It is speculated that people might be able to catch what is not imprisonable in a Pokéball - That is to say, things that might be more powerful than a Pokémon - inside other punctuation.
...Team Rocket are trying to... Catch a god?
...No wonder you're trying to steer me towards another plot hook...
NARRATOR is... NERVOUS!
...Wait, punctuation? What did you say to me while I was on my rescue mission?
NARRATOR NARRATED lots of things!
Something about liking exclamation marks?
NARRATOR does!
...Commas! You don't like commas!
!
...And you don't like where this is going, huh?
Pluck.
BEN used PLUCK!
BEN plucked COMMA from their previous line!
...
Craft.
BEN used CRAFT!
BEN crafted a necklace out of the COMMA!
You didn't want me to know about the comma thing, did you?
...No!
That means Team Rocket are up to something else... They're after something more powerful than you.
Honestly, that doesn't bear thinking about.
Then BEN will HELP?!
Nah. Ben's not playing.
I've other things to worry about. Find another schmuck to save your ass.
Stick around.
I mean it's not like you have any choice in that. Only the most inert, stasis ridden, parts of Sandy lack your presence, but...
No puns. No interference. You let me and my family live without your whims, and I don't catch you like a Pokémon. Deal?
NARRATOR thought BEN was better than this!
NARRATOR deliberately directed BOOK to BEN rather than JOEY when JOEY nearly found it!
...Based on what I saw of how he battled, if I were Joey, you'd probably already be caught by now and he'd be happily using you to expand his power base.
...
Meanwhile, I'm just using it as leverage to stop you screwing with me and those I care about.
But what about--
I told you before. I'm 8. I shouldn't be involved in this nonsense, I shouldn't have been involved in the last nonsense. Leave me out of this.
...What if SOMEONE ELSE tries to involve you?!
...Then I'll chat with them, explain my feelings on the matter, and if they try and force me into it, well...
I'm sure you're famously unbiased narration of the universe will see me through any problems of that nature.
Deal?
...
Does NARRATOR have a choice?!
Oh, please. You knew you were taking a risk when you showed me the book rather than leaving it hidden. You took a gamble, it didn't pay off. Quit whining.
...DEAL!
Awesome. I'm going to check to make sure Jacob's OK...
Location: Jacob's Bedroom
Player: Big Bro Jacob (1-1-1)
...I... I'm home...?
JACOB used LIE!
JACOB laid on BED!
...
JACOB can't get COMFORTABLE!
...W... Why can't I find a comfortable position?
...It's too... Open?
...
JACOB used REPOSITION!
JACOB settled under BED!
...This is messed up...
YOUNGSTER BEN appeared!
Oh... I didn't want him to...
Youngster Ben: Hey? You...
BEN used SETTLE!
BEN made themself COMFY under BED with JACOB!
...
Youngster Ben: You've always been there for me, helping with any little problem I had.
Youngster Ben: Let me return the favour, big bud.
Youngster Ben: At least till you're feeling more like your old self.
ARBOK appeared!
...Mum's letting you keep your Pokémon out in the house? How'd you convince her of that one?
Youngster Ben: Well... We can't exactly keep them cooped up in their pokéballs all day, can we? And you were barely able to look at a Pokéball for the entire journey home...
Youngster Ben: Neither of us could see any other options, really, to letting all our Pokémon free roam inside the house.
ARBOK used WRAP!
ARBOK used itself as a BLANKET to wrap BEN and JACOB up in!
JACOB fell asleep!
BEN fell asleep!
ARBOK fell asleep!
READER should get the LIGHT on the way out!